Peter Parker oneshots

Fun

About: the team tries to figure out how much spider Peter is.

———

"I have an idea." Clint grinned.

"Nothing good can come of this." Sam teased.

"Have any of you guys wondered how much spider traits Peter has?" Clint decided to ignore Sam.

"I like where this is going." Thor grinned.

"Peter is staying with us for a week since May is going to be gone for work." Tony mentioned.

   "I heard spiders can regrow limbs." Loki stated.

   "Loki, NO!" They all shouted.

   "Kidding." Loki said.

———

   The first thing they decided to try was peppermint. Because Steve was the best cook, he was the one to bake the peppermint cookies. It was to be given as a snack to Peter when he came home from school. The boy was so excited to have some of Steve's cookies that they almost felt bad for tricking him. Almost. They were far too curious though to have much guilt.

   Peter bounced over to the cookies and took a huge bite only to immediately spit it out and run to the sink and vomit. "Ugh. What were in those cookies?"

   "Peppermint." Tony went over to him and rubbed his back.

   "Ever since the spider bite, I can't have pepper-" more puke, "peppermint." Peter explained.

   "Sorry Pete, I didn't know." Steve was technically telling the truth. None of them about it, that's why they tested it out.

   "Geez, Cap. Try being more considerate." Rhodey said making Steve glare at him. That only made Rhodey cough to keep in his laughter.

   "It's OK. Even I had to find out the hard way." Peter tried to give a smile before he barfed again. That did make them feel more guilty, but still, they were so curious.

   "I've got a lot of homework so I'm gonna head to my room." Peter said once he stopped puking.

   "FRIDAY, bring up footage and audio in the kid's room." Tony ordered once Peter left them.  They had made his room smell like vinegar in order to test that theory out.

   They saw Peter enter his room and immediately start coughing. "That is a strong vinegar smell." Peter said between coughs. They may have gone a bit overboard with the smell. Not to mention they forgot his nose was enhanced. They came to the conclusion that vinegar didn't do anything to him. A strong smell of vinegar would make anyone cough like that.

———

   The next day Natasha used lavender soap. They found out that spiders hate lavender, so they had to test it out. They waited for Peter to get home from school to see what he did. It was cruel, mean and twisted, but it had become their new hobby. They enjoyed experimenting on Peter even if they loved him and knew he didn't deserve it.

   Once Peter did get home, he immediately smelt the lavender. He scrunched his face in disgust. "Is that new soap?"

   "Yeah, do you like it?" Natasha asked.

   "It smells... a-achoo... g-great." Peter lied.

   "You don't have to lie, Peter. If you don't like the smell I can go back to my old shampoo. I mean, sure you hurt my feelings, but I'll eventually get better." Natasha fake cried.

   "I-I'm not... a-achoo achoo achoo... I'm not lying. It's the be- achoo, I-I love the sme-smell. Achoo!" Peter continued to sneeze.

   "Too late, Pete. You already hurt her." Clint shook his head.

   "No! I-I... achoo, I'm sorry Ms. Roma-achoo... Ms. Romanoff." Peter cried.

   "We're joking, Peter." Steve laughed.

   "We could've had more fun with that, Cap." Sam whined.

   "C'mon, Peter. Let's get you away from her. You're obviously having a bad reaction to it." Wanda led him away from Natasha.

   "You gu-achoo... guys are mean. Achoo!" Peter glared at Clint, Natasha and Sam.

———

   "This is Peter's last day of school before summer break, right?" Bucky asked.

   "That's right. We can do this last experiment without causing him to miss school if we can't immediately fix him." Tony nodded.

   "If we're right about this theory, then it should be easy to fix." Bruce said.

   "Hey guys! I'm out of school for this year!" Peter grinned.

   'Do your thing Loki.' Tony mouthed.

   "That's exciting." Steve smiled.

   "I know!" Peter grinned before he felt cold. "Hey, is it cold to anyone else in here?"

   "I'm warm/ feels good in here." The team shook their head.

   "Mr. Loki, I think you're turning blue." Peter warned before he passed out. The entire team rushed to him as Loki returned to his usual skin color. They started poking him and doing whatever they could to wake him up.

   "Yup, when he's cold, Peter hibernates." Bruce declared.

   "And just so we're clear, this isn't normal for this modern day?" Bucky asked.

   "Humans don't hibernate." Rhodey said.

  'Oh.' Loki, Thor, Bucky, and Steve said.

   "Wait, you all thought that humans hibernated?" Tony asked.

   "So much has changed since our time." Steve said.

   "And you midgardians are so different from us Asgardians." Loki added.

   Natasha placed Peter on the couch and grabbed his suit. She put his suit on him and told Karen to use his heater. It wasn't long after that when he woke up. "What happened?"

   "Kid, you hibernate." Tony explained.

   "I WHAT?" Peter's eyes were wide with shock.

   "When you get cold, you hibernate." Steve explained.

   "This is because of the spider bite, isn't it?" Peter asked.

   "Well it's not the human part of you that hibernates." Rhodey said.

   "Yes, we've been trying to figure out how much spider you are." Thor said.

   "Have you been... experimenting on me?" Peter glared at them.

   "Yes, and it's been rather hilarious. I really enjoyed myself these past few days." Thor laughed causing everyone to glare at him for ratting them out.

   "I feel really betrayed right now, but still, I can't wait to tell Ned I hibernate!" Peter grinned and grabbed his phone.