Everything left to complain about (stopped) (go read my other poem book)

sunday and monday and tuesday.

on sunday i woke up early.
dad and i went for a bike ride
we went to that park
with the big path going all around it
the skin on the side of my thumb started peeling again,
because i grip the handlebars so hard.
my legs got too tired.
i got off and we walked our bikes back to the car.
my face felt sunburnt. i was red and sweaty.

i got home.
i peeled off my leggings and long sleeve shirt.
i put my straightened hair in a bun and got in the shower.
i scrubbed my shoulders.
i got out of the shower.

i put my old pajama shorts on because they look like regular shorts. they're very short. and i put on my purple shirt with the butterfly on the chest.
i sit down at my desk.
i re straighten my hair and spray it with dry shampoo so that it smells like mangoes and not the little bit of sweat under my bike helmet.
i put on makeup until it doesn't hollow me to look at my reflection.

mom and dad left to go to the garden store.
i put my mask in my pocket and leave the house with my earbuds in.
it's 2:09.
i walk. out my neighborhood. cross the street. take the first path that diverges from the right side of the old people neighborhood. walk. walk up the little hill. walk down the big hill. stop in the field to look at the dandelions. walk along the other neighborhoods. get to the corner. wave at lauren across the street. cross the street.

{hi.
[hi.

.
.
{where do you wanna go?
[i don't know.
{ok.
[ok.
.
.
{do you wanna go on a roof?
.
[sure.
.
{it's over here..
where..
the last time i was here.....
{we have to got this way...
.
{you go first.
[ok.
.

we sit on the roof and then we leave. we walk to cvs park. we walk into cvs. she buys orange gatorade and i buy that off brand mango flavored thing.

{i'll pay for it
[no no i got it
{are you sure?
[yeah no i got it

she pays with a card.
i realize i would've looked stupid taking the five dollar bill out of my phone case.

i sit on a swing and she stands behind me and puts her hands on my shoulders. she moves my hair off of my neck. it's warm out. i feel the breeze on the back of my neck now.
i could fall asleep on that swing.

a family comes to the park. we leave.
we walk up the street to my school.

[we should go on the field!
{i think it's closed .
[oh.

we sit on the bench behind the rita's.
{i wonder if my initials are still carved into this bench!
[..
{oh. i always forget that they repainted it a while ago.
[..
{kinda sad..

we go back to the roof.
she sits on the edge where it's close to the ground behind the tree. i stand in front of her. her hands are everywhere
she tastes like gatorade
what am i doing
why did i take another girl to this roof
i shouldn't have done this
why am i breaking quarantine to make out with a girl
on a roof
why am i lying to my parents
why do they believe me
why does she always turn her head away if i try to look at her face
she's in front of me and my back is to the wall of the thing on the roof
my feet hurt from standing on the slanted roof.
i'm becoming an actress
i'm acting
i'm breathing so that she can hear it on purpose.
i'm not real..
i'm an actress and she wrote the script weeks ago. i only remember a few of my lines. but i recite them for her.
i keep opening my eyes and everything is green and blue
my knees are weak. i feel safe.
i feel. . . her hands under my shirt.
her hands know who i am ,
but the butterfly...
she checks her phone.
text from mom
1 minute ago
where are you

we leave the roof. she says
are my lips red
and i say
no

she leaves in the car with her family.
i walk back home.
i come into the house.
my mom says
those shorts are too short
i say
it's fine
because it is.

i eat dinner.
i bake cupcakes.
i send her some things but i don't feel like it
anymore

[goodnight baby
{goodnight

monday..
woke up late.
sat at the desk.
i made my to do list. it doesn't look bad.
i do the english assignments.
i eat dinner
i do the math and send the answers on the group chat.
ryan muroff screenshotted a chat!
thanks
gabriella v saved an image!
tysm
matt r screenshotted a chat!
analise saved an image!
thank u
noah wallace saved an image!
sean tangradi screenshotted a chat!
aj mercado screenshotted a chat!
thanks
dominic wagner screenshotted a chat!

{yw

do nothing the rest of the day.
midnight. gather laptop and charger and to do list and pen and headphones.
go downstairs.
make milk tea. put pink food dye in it because it's pretty.
take concerta.
take concerta again.
take a third one just because you can.
go in the basement.
charge phone.
start spanish
it's too hard.. i can't do it.
start bio
i like this
this is interesting
finished all bio for the week
it's 5 am
go upstairs
watch big hero 6
go on tiktok.
go downstairs to do laundry
9 am.
i feel sick
i feel cold but hot
my stomach feels all wobbly
i'm sweating so much
but my toes are cold
i feel weak and nauseous.
my heart won't slow down.
10:25 am.
can't get out of bed now.
i need to shower.