Balls Deep

Chapter One, A Rectal Disaster

With Sedge as their leader, the company of eight set out south from Balls Deep. The King had advised them to search for the village of Tavern, which he believed to be the next target from the trolls. Sedge, however, had other plans.

As the troupe travelled down the worn dirt road, their witless leader made a point of sniffing every tree and shrub by the side.

"Sedge, you're slowing us down a bit." Swordy said, walking behind Sedge but ahead the rest of the company.

"Slowing us down? Who are?" Sedge asked, perking his ears up.

"You are. Stop sniffing every tree!"

Sedge pulled a confused face, and raised his nose into the air. "Eh? I'm the leader, sword-thing. I can do anything!"

Swordy sighed, and swivelled round to the rest of the group.

"Hey guys, can I ask you all something?" Swordy asked. The troupe stopped, waiting.

"I'm not going to ask why you elected this guy as our leader, but I think you all made a big mistake. Y'see, I've been on many adventures and I know my way round these neck of the woods. Alright, so how's about a change of leadership? Who's with me?" Swordy raised the blade into the air, to which Shaddix shouted in approval.

"Listen sword-boy, we elected Sedge as the leader, and I'll die before I let you usurp him!" Nuria said, scalding at him as she moved past.

Sedge smiled at Swordy sympathetically, who was left brooding at the back of the pact.

"It's okay Swording, I would have voted you!" He said, smiling.

"But then you wouldn't be the leader."

"Leader? Leader of what?" Sedge asked.

Swordy sighed, and dropped his head as the two of them walked.

"What do you want from life, Sedge?" Swordy asked after a while.

"Fish." Sedge replied promptly. "Fiiiiiish." He nodded to himself. "Yes, fish. Quite."

"How do you feel... About obtaining the best fish?"

Sedge stopped, jaw dropped. "The BEST fish?"

"That's right Sedge, the best ever. It's a big blue fish, with a face like Shaddix's. It's the Spirit of the Sea, and he's truly magical. I met him once, you know. He can even grant wishes!"

"I wish I could open a sushi stop!" Sedge said excitedly.

"You can, Sedge! All you have to do is assign me as the new leader, and I'll make sure you get that fish!" Swordy stopped in his tracks, Sedge clinging on to his every word.

"Yeah, yeah! I'll do it! I love fish!" Sedge shouted in happiness. "Swordo for President! Swordo for Queen!" Sedge ran down the road on all fours repeating this chant, to which Swordy smugly followed.

*

The company found themselves in a small village, lead by the proud mercenary Swordy. He lead the company in Sedge's place, and they all looked around.

"This village is that of Tavern," Twiglet explained slowly. "The trees around here are fearful that Grumlins will destroy this place..."

"You can speak to trees?" Elosith asked.

"Yes... I am not a tree, but I have had hundreds of years to learn their language... Such is the life of an ent."

"Alright gang, I don't need to eat but the rest of you do. Split up and look for food, and I'll investigate that shop over there. Meet me at Dirty Harry's in three hours." Swordy commanded.