Found

Chapter Six: A Dying Wish

It's been three days since Josh told me that I'm dying.

Every day since the bad news was given, I've been feeling weaker and weaker as the black vein advances, getting closer and closer to my heart. Josh says that in a few days I won't even be able to stand up, and I'm not ready to be helpless.

The man has come every morning at the same time, he's taken us to a few different places each day, including the Mess Hall, the Medical tent, and the Supply tent. The doctors from the Medical tent were unable to help me and nobody really knows what is wrong with me except for Josh. Well no body except for the guy who made this happen to me. The doctors gave me some pain meds and some anti-bacterial rub to put on the wounds themselves. The pain meds make me a little drifty and the rub has a nice cooling sensation to it. I've been out of it for the last three days. Josh has been basically taking care of me. He tells me stories of what he remembers. And I tell him stories of what I remember. It's nice to keep my mind off the fact of me dying and all.

I remember this one story that Josh told me,

He was about six years old. It was the third Christmas that he could remember. He and his brother were opening presents when his brother sprayed him with a water gun. He screamed like a girl and him and his brother spent the whole day laughing over it and teasing each other. Josh's brother kept calling him "girl screamer"! When Josh told me this we both cracked up and I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard. I love him so much, and I can't imagine my life without him in it.

I awake from a nightmare, the doctor said that was one of the side-effects of the pain medication. Josh is across the room, doing something with a bag. I can't feel my legs.

"Josh?" I say as calmly as I can.

"Yeah Raven?"

"I can't feel my legs." I say, breathing heavily. Josh rushes over and pulls up the end of the blanket. He has a small needle in his hand and pokes my big toe. I don't feel any pain; all I can feel is panic. I shake my head at Josh and see a concerned look on his face.

Josh picks me up lightly. I wrap my arms around Josh's neck and put my face in between his shoulder and neck. I close my eyes and try to relax.

Josh sets me down in a wheel chair that the doctors in the Medical tent gave him in preparedness for this to happen. Josh buckles a seat belt around my waist. I stop him for a minute and kiss him lightly. I put my hands on his cheeks and push him into me. He doesn't pull back and I don't want him to, I want to be frozen in this moment for the next couple days until my time is up, but I know that won't happen, and I know that Josh won't let me die. Not without trying everything he can to make me better. And that just makes me smile every time I think about it. I push away from him and let him continue his frantic rush out of panic for me.

"Josh, stop. Just stop." I say with an emotional tone in my voice. I feel like I'm going to cry. I hate to see him like this, it breaks my heart, he is trying to fix a problem that maybe just isn't meant to be fixed. "I'm sorry."

"What are you apologizing for? It's my fault that you are dying. I should have tried harder to stop him from whipping you."

"Josh, it's not your fault. You tried your hardest and that was all you could do. You have always defended me and I thank you for that, but maybe this is something that maybe you are not meant to defend me against. I'm dying and I wish you would stop trying to fix it and just be there for me." I say. I start to cry because I just can't hold it in any more.

"Oh Raven. I'm so, so sorry." He says gently. He walks over and hugs me tightly. I wrap my arms around him and pull him closer. Josh unbuckles the belt around my waist and picks me up. I scream joyfully, glad to have my Joshua back. Josh says I only have a few days left and I want to spend every second with him, like this.

"It's okay Josh, it is so very okay." I whisper into his shoulder. We hug, and I want to stay that way for a very long time, but then the man who did this to me comes into the tent, and all I want to do is slap him across the face.

The man comes and sticks something in my neck, an anesthetic. I can't keep myself awake. I start to fade.

"Josh..." I whisper. "If I die, I want you to find yourself happiness. Have a life..."

"Raven don't, you're not going to die, I promise."

I squeeze his hand in mine, "Josh, promise me please." I beg him.

"I promise. I love you." I black out before I can tell him that I love him too with all my heart. The last thing I see is his face and a tear rolling down his cheek.