Tender kisses

2

The first time I ever touched a drug was at the age of 14.
Some kids at school had started smoking cannabis, a couple of friends of mine being part of it.

I never saw it as a bad drug or a harmful one for that matter. My parents were smoking it every night and a few other people I knew did it. It never bothered me I just hadn't ever felt like doing it myself.

That was until one day I decided to stay at a friends house. Her older brother had started growing it and she stole a couple of buds from his plant. Neither of us had ever tried before but we decided to give it a go anyway.

We went to a park a few blocks from her house, we sat on top of the play set. The sun was starting to set and we were both really nervous. She told me that she had seen her brother do it plenty of times so she knew what she was doing.

We had a makeshift bong made from an old bottle and a cut hose. It was funny to me how many times I had seen kids at school passing around these 'bottles' thinking that nobody knew what they were being used for.

She packed the top piece with a generous amount before taking the lighter and igniting the end. It was a strange thing to watch if I'm being honest, sure I had seen it in movies and even my parents a couple of times, but the whole experience seemed bizarre.

After taking a couple of puffs she handed the bottle to me. I was no longer nervous as watching her do it first put me at ease.

My first puff made me feel sick and I choked up a little.  After a couple of goes each we got the hang of it quickly. Time was starting to pass and we knew her dad would be home soon so we decided to stop.

We were so worried he'd be able to smell it on us so had brought perfume. We sprayed so much on ourselves that it was deemed to be suspicious and walked back to her place.

After that night we started smoking it any chance we got. Most of the time we'd meet before school at the oval across the road. We'd have a couple of blows then carry on with our days.

Our dependency became alarming, especially for our age. It didn't quite click to me until one day I saw myself leaving school just to smoke some more. The feeling it gave was amazing and always made me calm.

Unfortunately the cannabis wasn't doing it for me anymore and I felt the need for something stronger. I had started taking pills. Not just ecstasy pills but just about any pill I could find. I couldn't imagine how many expired sleeping tablets I have taken in my life.

I would go through old purses, bathroom cabinets at not only my own house but friends houses too. Sometimes I would lie and said I felt sick just to get any type of pill that was being offered.

I don't know why it had gotten so bad, I got to the point where I was taking more than 12 paracetamol tablets a day, along with anything else I mixed with it.

I started making bags of mixed pills and would just randomly select random ones to take, most of the time not even knowing what they were for.

I was still only 14 at the time barely 15 and it had gotten out of hand. I don't know how it didn't kill me. My parents didn't seem to notice but with a house full of pills you wouldn't.

One day I had accidentally drugged my friend thinking I gave her vicodin when I gave her one of my sisters sleeping tablets. They were one of the strongest you could get with a prescription.

She went home feeling ill, I had realised what I had done when i myself went searching for that sleeping tablet given to her by mistake.

I never told her the truth about that day, she still thinks she just wasn't feeling well. I'm not even sure if I feel guilty about it honestly.

Note: I didn't purposely drug my friend but after finding out the mistake I made, I never bothered to come clean about it. I still to this day don't even have an ounce of guilt about the situation, when in reality I should. Something bad could've happened and I just didn't care.