Heartbeat

Ch.20

Alec(pov)

I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling terrible. I put a hand on my forehead, I could feel the sweat falling down. I tried to breathe but my throat felt dry and couldn't feel the air inside. I couldn't move my body. I felt trapped as if I was inside a nightmare. I stayed still for what felt like hours, maybe it's been only five minutes or seconds, yet, it seemed an eternity.

I got up immediately running as fast as I could to the toilette. I threw up. I laid down near the toilette for maybe an hour, not able to even stop myself even when I didn't have anything inside.

I couldn't take anymore, I wanted to just give up, let myself drowning into the ocean. Now my stomach felt empty, growling as if I haven't eaten anything. The sickening feeling made me sick again, made me want to puke again but I didn't have anything. I didn't have any strength left, just a hollow nauseous feeling that filled my whole body. I waited for it to disappear, maybe if I'll wait it would go. I was hungry, my stomach was. I just wanted to make everything disappear, even if it was for a second. I felt so vulnerable, wishing that nobody would ever see me like this. So miserable.
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I couldn't count how many times I've been called names, like, spoiled brat, filthy rich and worse. How many times people have made jokes about me, saying why I didn't have a private driver to take me home every day. For them, I was the spoiler pawns of the Lightwood family, that could have anything because I was rich. Were they even wrong? All those fake smiles, those fake promises of friendship based only on jealousy and envy. In exchange to get an invite to the best parties, to get paid at fancy restaurants and shits like that. Magnus didn't seem like that, yet... I could tell he was different. But I can't trust him, not yet. Although he insisted to go home, telling me he didn't want to disturb me and being all polite. I didn't want actually to let go of him, at least I had a friend.