when i am wrapped up at 3 am with music softly blasting as background noise, you are the sorrow that edges my mind and never seems to leave me at peace.
you are the loneliness i feel when i realize that, in a moment, i am truly and awfully alone. or perhaps, lonely would best fit. for i know i am not alone, but loneliness is a feeling that can grasp your heart even in a room full of everyone you've ever loved.
you are the unwanted cold that shivers on my body when i am asleep, abruptly waking my dreamless slumber.
i want my words back.
i want to feel myself get lost in the sea of words crashing into my mind all at once like the seashore on dry sand.
i want to listen to the click-clacks of my keyboard relax my mind as i type away words i didn't know i could write.
i want to feel my heart leap with joy at random phrases that i somehow find so beautiful and captivating.
i want to feel that frustration i feel when i need a particular word but it is just out of reach. not the frustration at having motivation but nothing comes up. i long to feel that satisfaction when i am enthralled with the flow of words and i am stopped for a moment, like an obstacle of life, before it finally hits me and the sentence finally completes.
i desire the spiralling of emotions and adrenaline that courses through my veins as idea after idea of next scenarios pop into my mind like the speed of a train.
i miss the thrill of it all.
i know that it is only temporary. i will find my spark and soon i will ignite and explode like a combustion of a flame. then i will once more know the feeling of glancing at the time to see that i have beared my soul into words for hours on end.
dear writer's block, i know you are good for me. healthy in my aspirations to become a better writer. however, do not stick around for longer than necessary. i miss my letters. words. i miss my phrases.
i miss the journey.
——— e n d
