It's late.
One in the morning and snuggled up in freshly laundered sheets in a cold, air conditioned room.
I'm alone once more. Or, I always am, but in moments like this it's either I'm lonely or I'm content. Tonight, it's the former.
And I think for a while, it might just always be the former.
I know I should stop thinking about you. I know I'm young and I should enjoy my single and youthful life because I'll never get to live it again, but I just want you, you know?
Life is.. simple I suppose. Sometimes it's so difficult (like now) to the point where all I want to do is cry and never wake up, but the silver string of hope that I may one day be bundled in your arms as you whisper that everything will be okay keeps me going.
Recently, it's been so lonely. Everything I see is reminding me of the everlasting loneliness embedded into the strings of my heart. I realize that the universe is.. quite.. strange to say the least. Sometimes, we're friends and everything's okay and I feel like I can get through it but.. mostly, my whole being is shrouded with nothing but hopelessness and emptiness that I wonder where the hell did I go wrong.
And all I can say it's okay. it's okay. it's okay. it's okay.
Because what else could it honestly be?
Time passed. Seconds and minutes tick. I know I should live life to the fullest, but I want to experience it with you. I want the days where our link is knotted and bent and it seems like we weren't meant to be. How we scream endless strings of curses at eachother that we don't really mean, but we're so frustrated because we're entirely different planes of existence. I want that.
But I also want when we both cry in eachother's arms and chant a mantra of endless apologies and "i love you's" because in the end nothing matters more than the warmth you give me which fills up my heart. When we hug eachother and sit under the twinkles of the night with nothing but the sound of nature's little lullaby, yet we both understand eachother because though we are different, you were made for me and I too like the perfect puzzle piece.
All in all, I want you. I miss you. I need you. I yearn for you. I always do everything in my power to keep away the etching loneliness and keep myself busy so that I can catch a break without worrying over your existence.
I know. How can you worry over someone you've never met?
But I know you. Though I don't remember you, my soul does. My soul will never forget and my heart still dances to your song.
I'll wait for you.
Until then, it's either I fix myself up or I wait for you to sew my existence together with the utmost gentle touch.
I do prefer the latter, though.
- to my dearest who always lingers in my mind.
