𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙨 𝙟𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙖𝙡 | a byler story

chapter one : journal entry

(925 words)

will's journal entry:

today was the first day of school and it was already terrible. i get stared at in the hallways as if i am a freak, which i am, but i hate that people treat me like one. as always the name calling too, fairy boy, freak, zombie boy, f*g, the usual. but i can't even deny any of them either, they are all true. troy just pretends that i'm gay to try to upset me, but he doesn't even know that i am actually gay. i'm just a disgusting f*g who is in love with michael wheeler. my best friend. he is the definition of perfect. his cute freckles that splatter his nose and rosy cheeks. his deep chocolate brown eyes, along with his cute black curls. his slightly chapped but still delicate lips. i'm nothing compared to him. imagine if he knew. he'd probably leave me along with all my other friends. especially jane, his girlfriend, but also one of my best friends. i just want all of it to go away. i want to go away.

(a/n: ouch. that literally hurt to write.)

wills pov:

i stared off into the distance waiting for jonathan to pick me up from school. i was getting bored, listening to mike and lucas talk about girls. i obviously had nothing to say, since girls didn't interest me in the slightest. jonathan's car finally arrived, helping me escape from listening to mike conversation with lucas about how amazing jane is. i'm truly happy for him, just as long as he's happy, but i can't help but wish it was me instead of jane.

i hopped in the car, setting my backpack on my lap. i wasn't really in the mood to talk so i just stared out the window. the blue sky didn't match my mood, it was cloudless and the sun radiated heat, making me warm in my sleeved shirt. it was silent for most of the way home, jonathan eventually decided to break the silence.

"how was your first day back at school?" he asked smiling a little, the sun shining in his eyes, making them look bright and welcoming. i could tell that he was hoping to get a truthful answer out of me. i wanted to tell jonathan everything, from being in love with mike to being tormented by troy at every possible second he could get to me. but i can't do that to him. jonathan already has enough of his own problems to worry about my pathetic life.

"it was pretty good." i said in response to his question. i put on a fake smile only to make it seem like i wasn't lying. he seemed hesitant to believe me, but he smiled back seeming to buy it. i leaned towards the window, lightly pressing my cheek to it. i stared off into nothingness, thinking about mike. my thoughts were interrupted by realizing we were home. i made my way into the house, walking to my room and setting my bag on the floor.

the only thing i felt in the mood for was drawing. i found my drawing utensils and paper. i sat on my bed, continuing the drawing that i have been working on for ages. it was a drawing of mike, i have been working extra hard on this particular one, trying to get every last detail correct. i want it to feel like instead of looking at my drawing, you are looking at the actual mike. i got so lost in the drawing, that i don't notice how late it is becoming. the sun is fully set and i peek out he window so i could catch a glimpse of the twinkling stars up above. i hear a car and look over to see my moms tattered old car pulling into the front yard, we couldn't afford to buy a new one so this is the car we are stuck with.

i wandered out to the kitchen area to greet her and question her about how her day was. i heard a set of keys jingling as i sat down at the kitchen table. the knob to the door slowly turned and she walked in looking very sleepy. it was slightly concerning, but we all know that she worked her late hours to make an extra handful of cash. as soon as she noticed me, her face lit up.

"hey will! how was your first day back at school buddy?" she asked still smiling and making her way over to the kitchen table to speak with me. i assumed about my first day at school, which i didn't feel like talking about, but i didn't need mom interrogating me either.

"it was okay i guess." i replied shrugging. i didn't really want to have to tell her that i'm still made fun of and bullied. her face fell just the slightest bit, i knew she could see right through my lie. i even made an effort to smile, but she could just tell. she was my mother after all. she pulled me in for a hug and i gladly accepted, i was in desperate need of a hug.

"i hope you know that jonathan and i both love you very, very much and we will always be here for you. through the good, and the bad too, we will always be on your side." i started tearing up and i clung on to my mother as if my life depended on it.