A Darker Truth

Chapter 14

7 months.
A whopping 7 months have passed. Holy shit.
I'm surprised I haven't left yet.

You know, I sometimes look at myself and wonder "how the fuck did I do this?"

I'm not sure. I'm just so tired, but this time it's physical exhaustion. My rainy days are sometimes full of real rain and my sunny days are sometimes not just the sun.

I never thought i would make it this far, but I'm glad I did. As you see, my dear reader, I'm trying to make my life my own. Slowly, but surely.

Sometimes, my dark days are cloudy with the thought of what was. But sometimes it's just dark outside.

I know I'm only making sense to those who understand. And I promise, one day your dark days will be because it's night time, I promise.

Ah-
I should probably tell you guys now.
I no longer have to deal with my father. He's currently fleeing here and there. He committed fraud. We reported him the moment he abandoned me again.

The only person that hits me anymore is my brother, but he's lightened up a bit. The hits are no longer out of anger, but rather..
Gentle hits on the back when I make a cruddy joke. It's nice.
He's had his own child now, but he's not married. My nephew..
God, he couldn't have shown up at a better time.
I buried my one year old niece in December and I lost it.. I was at such a low.
But my nephew came in January.
God, my nephew.
He has these eyes that matches her.
His smile matches her.
Even his laugh
I think they're the same person, as crazy as it sounds.

Dear reader, do you believe in reincarnation? I surely do now.
My friend is my cat
My niece is now my nephew
Andy Maul is now our protector.

I miss Andy sometimes, but I know he's better now. If you look him up, you'll find out what happened. We were supposed to meet up with him that day.. such a tragedy, but I no longer hurt from it.

But on another note, of hurting.
I still hurt sometimes. The memories come to haunt me. But sometimes it's just me. But I'm okay now. At least I think I am.

My darling now helps me
God I love him
He's my everything.
He helped me realize I'm okay. I'll be okay.
I don't hate myself as much anymore.
Maybe I'm actually okay.

I hope I'm okay. I really want to be.