"Keep on playing that song that I don't like. I just want to feel normal for the night".
Seo Chang bin, a boy pretending to be someone he isn't in order to be liked by people and be accepted in the society, meets Lee Felix, the school's infamous rud...
"What's that?" Chang bin quickly closed his journal and looked up to see all of his friends looking at him, waiting for him to answer Ae rum's answer. Chang bin felt a sudden panic inside of him when he felt all their stares. He gave them a quick forced smile, shaking his head as he slowly pulled his journal closer to his chest. "It's nothing". He muttered, loud enough for them to hear. He wanted them to not talk about it as he was clearly uncomfortable.
"Doesn't seem like 'nothing' to me, if you reacted like that". Ji young said, clearly not planning on asking about it as he grew curious. "It's just some dumb song lyrics". Chang bin muttered again, his voice barely a whisper but Ki hyuck, who was sitting besides him heard it and what Chang bin said, caught his attention. "You write song lyrics?" And with that the other's were curious too. Chang bin gulped, his grip on his journal got a bit tighter as he nodded a bit. "Y-Yeah but like i-it's dumb". He rubbed the back of his neck, growing nervous second by second. The last thing he wanted was for them to let them see it. Oh god, if that happened Chang bin would pass out that minute.
"Can you write a song for me? Like you know one with dirty lyrics, boobs and nasty stuff like that? There's this chick i met at the club a few days ago, if i tell her i wrote a song for her, she'll be mine in no time". Se jong said, earning laughter from friends. Chang bin gulped and forced himself to laugh along with them, since he didn't want to be left out. But he couldn't help but feel weird.
He didn't write song lyrics about boobs or any dirty stuff, he liked to write about his emotions, he liked to tell a story through his song lyrics. He liked to write about what he felt, how he felt it, he liked to write about his story in his lyrics. But he knew, he knew that no one would understand him. He remembered what happened the first and last time someone read his journal.
Before they could ask more, the bell rang indicating that lunch break was over. Chang bin sighed in relief as he got saved from being asked more questions. He walked with Ae rum and Ji young towards Mathematics since the three of them shared the class together. As he walked a little behind the couple since they were already having a conversation, Chang bin eyes roamed around the hallway. His hands were tucked inside his jeans pockets as his eyes traveled the hallway. Students were walking, laughing, enjoying the company of their friends. Chang bin sighed as he stared at some students who were laughing and talking, he saw the way they fit in with their friends. It made him think about himself, he forced to change himself into someone he himself didn't want to be, just to be accepted in the society who didn't give two fucks about he felt. He shook his head a bit, he refused to think about this.
These were his friends, who had accepted him, who cares if it wasn't for being himself, they had let him be their friends, he should be thankful that such popular people had agreed to let him be a part of their group. So what if he was someone else? So what if he had to be someone else? So what if he had to pretend to be someone who he hated to be? So what if he had to lie and hide one of the most important thing in his life?
Chang bin's eyes landed on a particular blond, who seemed to be having a conversation with his friend. The raven haired boy watched the way he talked to his friend, his face expression were strong, like he always had his guard up. Chang bin watched the way, he nodded his head a bit as the boy who talked to him, whose name was Hyun jin, told his blond friend something. Just as Chang bin was about to look away because he realized that he had been staring at the boy for quite a long time, Felix turned his head towards his direction and their eyes met again. None of them look away and they both continued to stare into each other's eyes, as if they both were looking for something.
Chang bin was the one who looked away, when he felt Hyun jin turning to look at him. He gulped softly and his feet started to move a bit faster, quickly walking out of the hallway and entering his Mathematics class with Ae rum and Ji young who sat in front of Chang bin, while he himself sat at the last seat, near the window. The familiar dark drown eyes appeared in his mind, making him think about the blond haired boy.
Felix didn't have to pretend, Felix was brave. While he himself? Well he was a coward, and somehow deep inside, even though he told himself he wasn't, he knew it was true. Because he at the end of the day, he was running away.
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Q. What's your eye color? A. I used to have grey eyes when I was a baby but now they're hazel.
