Something to Cool Could Happen: A Tom Holland Love Story

14: The Feeling Stick

Penelope had run upstairs to her actual bedroom, and Haz was close behind. He hated everything about today so far. He caused a disaster by trying to avoid a disaster. At least this disaster was private, he thought, trying to make himself feel better about it. But there was no way he could make himself stop feeling like shit unless he could fix it. He wanted Tom to be happy now more than ever, and if that meant letting him do whatever he pleased, so be it. At least he knew Penelope knew the risks, and if she did go for it, she had no one to blame but herself.

"Penelope, talk to me—"

"Don't think for a second you're off the hook."

"Wouldn't dream of it—but hear me out—"

"I have already. And I understand. But the way you went about it was uncalled for—"

"I know...I fucked up. I just really care about you—and I was wrong for what I did, but I know you deserve to make your own way and be your own person—not just 'Tom Holland's girlfriend who's also an actor'. I still stand by that."

Something clicked in her head then. She thought she understood before, but that wasn't the case. But she did now. "Haz?"

"Yeah?"

"It hurts more than you let on, doesn't it?"

"Huh?"

"What you're saying right now—this is me trying to make sense of it—you're Tom's best friend. But that's not what you wanted to be known as, is it? You have the same dream...and he got there first—"

"And I'm so fucking proud of him. I really am—but...you're right, ok? I got a lot of following because of him and I've got to do so many amazing things because of him—but then there's stupid comments like 'oh you're pretty hot, but Tom is hotter'—you google me and it says 'British actor—better known as best friend to Tom Holland of Spider-Man'—and it shouldn't get to me but it does! And it makes me wonder if I'll ever be just...Harrison Osterfield: British actor, pretty decent guy, known for his groundbreaking performance in...something."

She pulled him into a hug. He sighed, relaxing into it. He hated saying all of that out loud. He felt ungrateful, but at the same time, he really needed to. He held it in all the time, and now he felt like there was someone that could understand. She made it seem like his feelings were important, even though they're not exactly noble. She had a gift; she understood others so well. He wanted her to stay in their lives more than anything—even if that meant giving her up to Tom. Tom deserves someone who could understand.

"Thank you." He whispered.

"For what?"

"You—you just understand. And show empathy. And you don't judge—"

"No, I do. And I feel terrible for what I said to you and Tom."

"But you're right."

"But it was so harsh."

"I think we've all been harsh today."

"Yeah. Except Jacob. He's such a cinnamon roll." They giggled a bit. Haz looked longingly into her eyes, wanting, coveting what was never his and never could be. But he would soon come to peace with it.

"Harrison?"

"Hm?"

"Promise me something?" She took his hands.

"Anything, love."

"Promise me, that no matter what happens, you never let Tom go. You two were made for each other."

"Tom and I are stuck like glue. And it's the annoying kind that hardens and won't come off even with good remover and an industrial sander." He chuckled, thinking fondly of his bond with Tom, but also the wood shop and what might have been. She saw the glint of sorrow in his eyes.

"Will you be ok?"

"I had my chance. He got there first. There's nothing I can do. As long as you're happy with him, I can't complain. If you stay in my life, it's enough."

She almost couldn't believe that such a love existed outside of plays or books, not to mention the incredibly misleading, complex package it came in. You'd miss it if you blinked. She stroked his face, touched by his twisted selflessness. He leaned into her touch, knowing it would never happen like this again. She leaned in, kissing his lips softly. A tear ran down his cheek as he retuned her gesture, glad he wouldn't have to spend any more time wondering what it would have felt like. It was like the lights dimming on an empty stage, the last moments of hopeful fantasy meeting with reality, but reality was now easier to face. They broke away, happy to have shared that moment, but ready to let it go.

"Well, we have a carnival to go to tonight, and no one is going angry. Let's go make up." Haz got up, wiping his eye with a newfound serenity.

They went downstairs, Tom and Jacob were no where in sight. They were worried for a second, until they both came out of the kitchen pantry.

"I won't even ask." Penelope laughed.

"Family meeting!" Haz bellowed and they all filed into the living room. They all sat in a circle on the rug.

"Is there going to be a feeling stick or are we going around the circle or do we just raise our...hand..." Tom trailed off, realizing how lame he sounded.

"Tom's family is big on the feeling stick." Haz laughed lightly. Penelope ran upstairs and returned almost as quickly as she left with a fluffy pink pen.

"Will this work?" She said, holding it up as she came down.

Tom wrinkled his nose in embarrassment, but he was warmed by her thoughtfulness. "It's perfect."

It didn't take long for them to get started, all parties intent on stitching up the lacerations their words had caused. As they went on, truly listening, the hurt began to soothe itself, replaced by love and compassion for one another. This was no easy feat, and it took time and the breaking of walls. But it was worth it. Everything was going to be ok.

"You know I love you, mate." Haz said sweetly and sincerely. "And I want you to be happy."

"I love you, too." The duo hugged tightly, exploding with the familiar brotherly love that was almost as old as they were. Their kindred spirits were invincible and now even brighter than before.

"I'm not sure what's going to happen—but will it bother you? If I dated her?" Tom said, still fully wrapped in Haz's embrace.

"No, mate. As long as you stick by her and treat her right."

"Promise."

"Aw you guys! I'm getting so choked up—" Jacob smiled while taking in their glorious reconciliation. Penelope hugged him, also emotional from the exchange.

Tom took the feeling stick from Haz and turned his gaze to Penelope, nervously playing with the fluff on the top of the pen. "Penelope, I don't want you to feel bad about anything you said to me because you were absolutely right. It hurt but I understand now—thanks to Jacob. You're a real one, mate."

"Any time." Jacob beamed, glad to be appreciated.

"Anyway, from now on I'm going to be the true hero you deserve, no matter what. And it won't be easy, but I'm going to do all I can because you're worth it. I really, really like you and I want to be with you and I just hope you'll give me a chance?"

Penelope smiled softly, getting up and taking the feeling stick from Tom. His gorgeous, loving expression was impossible to resist. "I'd love that, Tom." 

He took her in his arms and squeezed the life out of her, but she didn't mind one bit. She was ready for this. There was so much of him to love, and she wanted all of it.