Asia carzwell

Falling apart

I got home to my house door wide open and all the lights in the house on. I pulled up in the driveway and parked. I got out and slowly walked inside to find my mom throwing dishes and arguing with my dad. Emilia was sweeping up the broken glass & I was actually really happy to see her since we had grown close. she was 35, Indian with long hair, and she was really short but beautiful. she slowly swept everything up with a blank stair on her face. I could tell she was in deep thought. "why do you do this Jeremy!" She screamed as he went from room to room packing stuff that belonged to him. "I keep fucking telling you karrissa I'm not cheating on you with that bitch but if you want to believe that it's fine with me." he said screaming from the hall. I just watched in the doorway as it all went down. "Yes you did Jeremy, why do you continue to lie I saw you with my own two fucking eyes! JUST GET OUT!" She said throwing another plate. Emilia took her time to walk over and clean it up. when my dad left, the house settled down and my mom took a bottle of Hennessy to her room and knocked herself out. The house grew quiet and I took a seat on the couch and once Emilia was done cleaning everything up she came and joined me and before I could even look up she began to speak. "I'm quitting." she said sternly. I just looked at her puzzled. "I'm pregnant." she said sternly once again. "Emilia congrats, but I still don't understand why you have to quit, you could just take a maternity leave" I said and at the time I didn't think it was a dumb thing to say but it was. I mean seriously a maternity leave? "It doesn't work like that." she said as she looked down at her belly. I just stared at her blankly. she was the only stable thing in my life and now, she was leaving too. "I'm pregnant by your father." she said crying. and just as those words left her mouth my mom snapped it turns out she was standing on the stairway since the beginning of the conversation. "so it was you bitch!" My mother said. "Karissa I'm so sorry, it was one Time he was lonely and I was too, I didn't mean for it to go that far." Emilia pleaded. "you bitch! I trusted you." my mom said and out of no where my mom lunged at her snatching her up by her long straight hair and punching her in the face. my mom was fighting so sloppy I could tell she was drunk because if she had been sober it would've definitely been much worse for Emilia. I grabbed my mom off of Emilia. "MOM SHE'S PREGNANT!" I spat. I helped Emilia up and out of the house. we said our goodbyes to each other and she was gone. I walked back into the house and my mom was wiping her bloody fist on her white mini dress and for some reason I didn't feel the presence of my mom, she had turned into someone I didn't know. she walked up the stairs and I followed behind her slowly and we parted ways. she went to her room on the other side of the hall and I went to mines. tears streamed down my face, my whole life was falling apart. I picked up my phone and called Crayen. "Hello." a sleepy voice answered. "Crayen I need to be with you now I said. "well what are you waiting for?" He said confirming me coming over. "text me the address." I said and with that both lines clicked. I packed up everything I needed and I left a sticky note on the counter for my mom. I got in my car and headed over to Crayen's house. thank god for him I whispered to myself.

I pulled up to Crayen's crib and got out of the car. his house was amazingly nice for the area it was in. it was big and grey on the outside with white trimming and a white door. I knocked hard enough for him to hear. to be honest I was nervous standing out on his porch at night in this neighborhood. "here I come." he said raspy while twisting the door knob and opening it. I walked in and he shut the door and locked it behind me. As soon as he turned around I held him tight and he held me as tears streamed down my face. "I'm sorry." I said sobbing. "for what?" He said as his chin rested lightly on top of my hair I listened to the vibrations of his voice silently. "for interrupting you tonight." I said burying my face in his chest. "Don't worry about nun of that." he said pushing me away lightly and looking me deep in my eyes until he pulled me back into him. we stayed like this for a while before he broke the silence and interrupted the sound of my sniffling. "I have a guest bedroom upstairs where you could put your things and rest, and maybe tomorrow you could tell me what happened." he showed me to the guest room upstairs next to another bedroom that I assumed was his little brothers but the door was locked. he left me to get settled in and he went back downstairs to his room. I realized that I had forgotten pajamas while I was unpacking some of my things. I went downstairs to Crayen's room & forgot to knock on the door. I pushed the door open and walked through the room to another door. I heard the shower water running. "Crayen I said pushing the bathroom door open to a crack. I assumed he couldn't hear because he didn't respond so I just pushed the door open without walking in. I guess he noticed because he responded. "who dat is?" He asked just in case it was his little brother I assumed. "its Asia." I said. "then why you standing out there? You can come in, I'm done." he said. just as I had walked in the bathroom he had finished wrapping his towel around his waist. I studied his muscular physique and his curls which were wet and even more curly. He just stood there smiling while flashing his dimple. "uh.. I just need something to.. uh sleep in." I said fumbling my words. "in the dresser." he said pointing to the 3rd drawer. I walked over to the drawer and rummaged through it. i found a pair of thongs in there & for some reason it set me off. "wow Crayen! Wow..." I yelled holding up the thong in his face. he just rubbed his neck and looked at me. "so that's it?! What bitch was over here? Is that why you were taking a shower?" I said getting angry. all of a sudden I just stopped talking realizing that I had no right to get angry, I wasn't his, he wasn't mines. simple. "It's not even like that." he said. "You know what? You don't even have to explain yourself." I said throwing my hand up in his face. he moved my hand & stepped closer. "I didn't even know those were in there, and by the way those probably been there for a while. I haven't had sex in a minute." He said pulling me close. "Is that supposed to make me feel better about it?" I said agitated. "nah I'm just letting you know the real. I don't know why you getting so mad about it, it ain't like you trying to be my girl." he said nonchalantly. his attitude was starting to piss me off. "ok so the fuck what?! It's not like you asked me to be your girl." I said slipping out of his reach. and walking towards the door. he grabbed me and pulled me back kissing me. I started hitting him on his chest but before I knew it the kisses were trailing down to my neck. I kept hitting him but then my punches started to slow down. he picked me up and carried me to his bed and laid me down. he locked his room door before returning to our position. I had never had sex before, I felt like I needed it and I was sexually frustrated almost all the time but me and him didn't know each other fully & I wasn't sure If I wanted him to be my first especially after what just happened, so at this point I was trying to fight my own urges.

He unwrapped his towel and began sliding down my pants as I took off my shirt. I laid there naked while he went down on me. I held his head while my legs quivered. I had to stop this no matter how good it felt before it went to far. "Crayen..." I moaned. he came up and he had the look of a lion on his face, like a lion that's stalking his prey. "what's wrong?" He said lifting his body up. "I can't.. I don't wan't to do this." I said breathing heavy. "Asia, it's fine." he said picking his towel back up & going into the bathroom. I picked up my clothes and walked back to the guest room. "I guess I should've just slept naked in the first place." I mumbled to myself. Early the next morning I left. I gave Crayen a hug and left back home.

It had been two days since I last saw, called or texted Crayen. he didn't even show up to school it was like he disappeared. I was kind of worried and kind of not. word on the street was that he was moving and also that his mom recently came back & he was busy taking care of her but I didn't really pay much attention to any of it because most of the rumors about him weren't true. even me & Keisha started growing distant, she had her own problems with her relationship to take care of. at times I felt like she was to busy for me but I didn't care, at this point in my life I wanted to be alone. things in my house settled down too. my mom was working again & my dad had came back even though they weren't on speaking terms and they slept in separate rooms. I think they were avoiding a divorce because they thought it would hurt me but if that's the only way they would shut up I would beg for it. I woke up and went into the bathroom in my room to take a shower, wash my face, and brush my teeth. when I walked back into my room my phone was vibrating and of course it was crayen. I didn't really want to hear shit he had to say but a part of me thought it was my fault for leading him on just for him not to get any.. but really it was his fault for practically ignoring me. I mean.. really nigga? Today would've made three days he didn't call. "hello." I said trying to express how irritated I was through my voice. "Hey Asia Carzwell." he said gently through the phone. "what.?" I said coldly. "what's the attitude for?" He said sounding way less amused. "you know what my attitude is for you haven't called or communicated for what would've made three days today." I said with an attitude. "loose the attitude shorty. no need for all of that-" he said as I cut him off. "my name is Asia not 'shorty' first of all, second of all, no I'm not going to loose the attitude because you didn't make any effort to call me." I said waiting for a reply. "aye hold on! You ain't hit my line either the fuck, you didn't give me a damn chance to explain myself. I don't do this arguing shit though so hit a nigga when you done with your pms bullshit." he said before hanging up. I know this nigga did not just disrespect me like that. I called back three times because I didn't get a chance to snap on him like I wanted to but he didn't pick up. "fuck him" I screamed as I went to finish getting ready. I was washing my hands of him for a long while.

I curling wanded my hair, did a few swipes of mascara, and put on my peachy lip gloss and my gold nose ring loop instead of my silver one. I picked out a red & black coco Chanel sweatsuit and put on my bred 11's. I grabbed my coco Chanel stud earrings and my black coco Chanel side bag that was shaped like a circle. I put on my favorite fragrance and my mom walked in. "where are you going little girl?" My mom said smiling. she was glowing and she looked really happy. "I'm just going out to grab a bite & drive around for a little bit." I said trying not to make to much eye contact. "your cousin is coming to stay with us while her mom sorts things out." She said smiling. ugh.. so she just agreed to bring another person into our messy lives? She'd be better off staying with her mom. "which cousin? You obviously have to be more specific then that." I said putting on my gold watch. "um... Morgan." she said looking around my room. "want some lemonade?" She said trying to change the subject. Oh HELL NO! she did not just say Morgan. "No! I will not stay in this house with Morgan's ugly ass here." I said looking her directly in her eyes. "watch your mouth young lady, she's coming wether you like it or not! & where the hell you gone go? Who you gone stay with." she said staring me down. I just stood there silent and angry. "I thought so. when you get the chance go put the sheets I washed on the bed in the guest room she's going to stay in." she said before she exited my room shutting the door. I rolled my eyes. there's no way in hell I was ever going to stay in a house where Morgan was. That bitch is a thieving wanna be ass bitch! She stole from me & then tried to make me look like I was a bad person and I was just assuming she did things I saw her do. I hated that bitch and nobody could change that! I just got In my car and went on a drive to clear my mind. my whole damn life was 'falling apart'.