Snippets of my mind

What it'd be like

Weddings... Yep... If there's is one thing I have a love/hate relationship with it's got to be weddings. Nothing more irritating than preparing one. And nothing more efficient to stir all your emotions. So Here I am, behind the scene of my best friend's wedding, and I am thinking of you. Well... of us.. Of what it could be if I just let you love me. 

I.Just. HATE this! 

You are so caring that I'd suffocate from your affection... With you, I know, everything would be simple. Exciting, but simple. Being with you would mean late night never ending calls. Hours watching the sky, filled with stars, on the hood of your car. Hiking. Days by the beach. Holding hands. Hugging. Talks about art, sports; about everything and anything. And those sincere conversations, filled with laughter. You listen, that's something I like about you. You really listen. Things I never remember even saying, you remember. In asking me to be franc, you also open up to me. With an easiness I didn't know of you before... I found that talking to you is easier than talking to myself. Oh and you give good advices. 

Being with you would also mean arguments... You and I we butt heads on certain subjects and that what sparks between us. To be honest, very often, it's funnier than it should be.  It would be disagreements and fights and misunderstanding. But I know you would be the water to my wine. Because that's just the way you are... You taught me how to balance myself. You helped me find the key to controlling my temper,- woops,  i don't think I ever told you that...

I had a glimpse of what it would be like to be loved by you. That glimpse was more than enough... I couldn't ask for more. I would not... It's scary. Frightening even... The why:  You are just too loving... too caring... too sweet for your own sake. I' d probably loose myself in you. And worse, you make me vulnerable. And I hate it. Yeah... 

I. Just. HATE it!

I know what it is to be loved by someone like you! But I won't let myself be loved by you... That crush is just one for the moment. Nothing more! At least, that's what i'm trying to convince myself of...

Oct 23, 2019