Inside the garden walls

Hands

To touch

All I truly want is hands around my waist while someone tells me I'm okay

A thumb brushing away my tears while the other hand just holds my face

Holding my hand while we walk, an arm around my shoulders or hugging my waist

I want all of it or any of it

I just want affection in the tiniest of ways

I don't care about an expensive dinner or incredibly mediocre sex

I just want my hand squeezed as a small hello while we sit in silence

Arms to wrap round my waist while I cook and a chin to rest on my shoulder

A kiss on the base of neck and the words 'I love you' whispered in my ear

I'm so touch starved that I lay in bed holding my own face wishing that for once it was someone else's hands wiping away my tears

Wishing I had someone to hold me at night or while watching a movie

Someone I love and someone who loves me

If I can't have the whole person than at least a hand to hold or even an asshole who'll only use me when they wish

At least then I can disassociate and pretend that they're someone else

I was born into a world where when someone 'loved' you, you were constantly touched by their fists

When I lost the feeling of those palms I was relieved but also stressed cause I'd gotten so used to it that I had become addicted

I missed hands and so I sought out for them in anyway I could

If it's from a partner or a one night stand, any fucking pair of hands

Wrapped around my throat or my waist I couldn't care less cause I just zone out and go some other place

I just want affection in the most simple forms

And if I can't get it

I'll just find someone who'll give me something close