Our Own Way

A&I - 4

This is weird. 

After my classes, dumiretso ako sa QPav to wait for Archer because that's our routine, if wala siya sa labas ng classroom ko, then he's in practice. And it weirded me out that our parents were there and was waiting for me lang, napagplanuhan na nga nila yung dinner sa unit namin and they already bought the food while waiting for me and for Archer to finish. Magkatabi pa sa table si Tita at si Mama, they kept on talking about Archer's siblings and how my mom was jealous.

I hated their topic kaya naman after dinner, I excused myself at sinabi ko na may isesend lang akong file kay Gigi sa study room.

Archer knocked on the door and gave me a small smile. "your mom bought wine," sabi niya. I furrowed my brows, kanina pa natapos yung dinner and they're still here. "yung favorite mo." He showed me the bottle of Pink Moscato.

"Ang weird, Arch." Umupo si Archer sa tabi ko at pinilit na tumingin ako sakanya. "I don't like this."

"Why?"

Nagkibit balikat ako. "I find this weird, my mom and your dad. Nakakahiya sa mommy mo," Archer didn't say anything but he rubbed my back. "I'm sure si mama nag initiate nung topic. I think she really wants to have your father's child."

Archer bit his lip, he was probably conflicted on what to say about my issues with my mom. "Bumalik na tayo doon," sabi niya. He kept quiet because he didn't want to say anything about my family issues.

I rolled my eyes and forced myself to stand up. Nahihiya talaga ako sa mga magulang ni Archer at nasasaktan ako para sa dad ko, my mom had the audacity to talk about children, her ex's children, in front of my dad? Tangina lang.

"I really wanted to have more kids, kaso hindi na kaya," my mom laughed. But everyone in the table was serious, Tito Brent had this uncomfortable look in his face, pity was in Tita Sydney.

"Ma, tama na." my voice was serious. "Go home ma, stop doing this."

Kumunot naman agad ang noo ni mama, she looked offended. Wow, just wow. "What?" she asked.

"Nakakahiya ka." Lumapit si Archer at hinawakan ako sa balikat. "You keep on talking about how you wanted more children but you didn't do anything." Her jaw clenched.

"Ileia," my dad warned.

Umiling ako. "Ang pathetic mo ma," I spit out. "throwing yourself and talking about children in front of your ex."

"Lei," Archer said, humigpit ang hawak niya sa balikat ko.

"What? Madali lang gumawa ng bata, stop making excuses." May ilang luha ang tumulo sa mata ni mama but I didn't care. "you just didn't want to have more with dad, because he isn't Tito Brent."

My mom didn't say anything, she just walked towards me. Akala ko ay sasampalin niya ako but instead she grabbed her bag that was behind me. Tahimik kaming lahat, her hand was shaking in anger.

"Love," my dad said, umiling si mama at nilabas ang wallet niya.

Inilabas niya yung isa maliit na envelope na nasa likod ng picture ko.

Nanlambot ang mga mata ni Tito Brent and Tita Sydney covered her mouth in shock.

"You said I didn't try?" she asked, anger in her voice.

Inilapag niya ang sonograms sa mesa, hindi ko ito mabilang dahil kay mama ako nakatingin.

"I fucking tried, Ileia. We fucking tried our best, But, after 6 miscarriages, you just had to give up." she looked into my eye. "may ilang nabuo." She went through the sonograms. "some didn't even have the chance to develop."

I felt guilty. "Ma," I called out.

Umiling siya. "Why are you so pressed about my past with Brent?" she raised her brows pero hindi ako makasagot. "lahat kami nakamove on na, pero bakit ikaw hindi pa?" she laughed bitterly. "you keep on telling everyone na takot ako na matulad kayo sa amin, but am I really the one who thinks that? Or guilty ka lang kasi you think na you'd end up like us? na you think that you and Archer will break up just like we did?" tinuro niya ako.

I bit my lip. Bumitaw sa akin si Archer at tinulungan si mama na iligpit yung sonograms. "Mahal kita, Ileia. Anak kita eh, we tried our best to give you everything you need and want, pati kapatid na gusto mo sinubukan namin." She took a deep breath. "I never saw myself in you, because you're you... hindi kita kapalit... hindi kita pinilit kay Archer. You made your own decision and your choices are yours because I trust you, matalino ka." She said, trying to wipe her tears and still smiling at Archer.

My mom composed herself quickly, bumeso pa siya kay Archer, Tito at Tita. Whispering something to Tita Sydney which made her smile.

Then she walked past me like I was a ghost. She didn't even look at me, she just walked past me and closed the door.

"Dad," I whispered. Pinilit na ngumiti ni daddy sa akin but his eyes showed pain.

"Give us time, what you said really hurts, Ileia." He never calls me Ileia, always Lei.

I watched my dad walk away without hugging me or kissing my forehead. I really fucked up.

"'I'm sorry po." Hindi ko sila matignan sa mata, nakakahiya ako.

"I hope this serves as a lesson, iha." Tito Brent patted my shoulder and made his way outside. Yinakap naman ako ni Tita Sydney before hugging her own son to say goodbye.

I sat down on the floor, thinking about what my mom said. Ako ba talaga yung may mali?