dreamer

6

if you loved me,
then why'd you leave me
_

katsuki had his head stuffed into his pillow. his room smelt of alcohol and odors from the man that wasn't exactly refreshing.

he had been laying in that bed for what felt like forever which was almost a month now.

he's been utterly devastated and depressed after that night. it seemed like time froze in katsuki's eyes.

seconds became minutes, minutes became hours, and hours became days. soon enough two months had tallied up on him. two months without izuku.

his izuku.

no matter what the smaller man told him and whatever anyone else said was some skeem. something to get katsuki to stop acting like such a dick to everyone. an attitude change was all he needed.

he knew his deku would come back. he just knew it. come running into his arms as he had always done.

so he did just that. he changed. well, he tried. he acted nicer to his mom. he forced a fake smile on his face for everyone to see. just waiting for izuku to come popping out somewhere for him.

he stopped seeing multiple people. he started studying more. he picked up writing songs again. just like izuku always said he should. he promise izuku he'd be better.

katsuki sat in the living room one night. legs crossed on the white carpet, mindlessly flipping through magazine pages. it was nearly two in the morning when he saw it. more or less him.

izuku walking into ua studios. some paparazzi found him going in there daily, with the renowned dancer shoto todoroki. other times being accompanied by hitoshi shinsou.

the article spoke of the upcoming artist and other mentioned supposed relationships and other mumbo jumbo.

all katsuki could focus on was the changes izuku went through. he didn't look like himself. sure he looked happy. just a different type. something katsuki hadn't seen in him since they were kids. and there he was laughing with some no named half-n'-half bastard.

other than izuku's emotions being so different from the last night he saw him, deku looked different physically too.

he lost some weight but packed some muscle. his face wasn't as puffy and soft. It was more lined and structured. hair held its fluffiness just its sides were shaved off. they were dyed black along with his roots. his ears were pierced with that his hands had a fresh coat of black paint.

izuku was someone he'd never seen before. someone who wasn't deku.

he didn't like seeing him like this. it was different. not the deku he knew.

he looked back at his smile.

it was like deku completely forgot him. like he wasn't a thought in his head anymore. like he was gone.

he hated how he wasn't the one making him laugh. his laughs could fill the air and turn everything that was once dark into something beautiful. like him.

without realizing it, tears started falling from his eyes. pools of tears started to run down from the inseam of the magazine to the carpet, turning it to a gray color with every drop.

he started vibrating from anger. not so much anger towards izuku. no, more towards himself. he hated how he made the one human on this green earth who would love him through and through, leave him.

he turned love into hate.

he kept sobbing and let a few hiccups out until he heard slow footsteps fall behind him.

he turned slowly to find his dad holding a bat awkwardly to his ear.

"oh, it's just you," he sighed, dropping the bat with a thump.

katsuki turned back around. you could feel the energy radiating off of
him.

"are you okay son-."

"he's not coming back is he?" the blonde asks lowly.

the brunette looked his surroundings over and saw the slightly crumbled magazine next to him. the picture showed a laughing izuku and a grinning bicolored man.

he sighed softly and took slow steps toward his son.

"I- I don't think so," he set a hand on his shoulder.

"and that's okay. katsuki, sometimes people aren't meant for each other. even if they really wish they were. you're meant to meet certain people in your life to teach you lessons. lessons you'll need to learn to meet your forever."

"but I know izuku is my forever," katsuki's face started to turn slightly red and puffy from the tears.

"maybe he was your forever at the wrong time? you guys have been with one another your whole life. you have never really known what it was like to be without each other. you'll always be his first. just give it time," he hated seeing his son like this.

he was always so headstrong. never letting anyone see him cry. it broke his heart to see him breaking before him.

"dad, I was meant to be his last. being together forever. never letting each other go. but he's gone now."

"time will only tell," and with that, he gripped his son's shoulder a little tighter and then let go.

"get some sleep."

katsuki sat alone. he didn't know what he was feeling. sad? angry? nauseous?
he felt none of it.

he felt numb it all. like it wasn't real.

it's like the memory of deku was burnt into his head. all he could think about was deku.

all of his dreams and aspirations for the future always ended with he and deku settling down. maybe adopting a kid or two, maybe asking a friend of theirs to help out?

but now it was different. everything changes now that he's not in the equation. the ending where he isn't the perfect answer. or rather he wasn't good enough for deku, but that didn't mean he couldn't see how the guy was right?