Opening Up

It Hurts to See You Cry

I've trained so much today. Fighting with a wooden knife, 3dmg balancing, and actually trying to kill dummy titans in the woods. It's dinner again. I looked for Eren everywhere. I can only hope he's okay. He's probably sleeping, or doing some extra training. I'm alone. Again. Everyone's with a friend. I'd talk to Sasha, but she's eating everyone's food. I sit in silence.

It's cold and empty.

I cover my mouth. Flashbacks of my parents and Carla cross my mind. Carla. Eren and I almost saved her. Hannes grabbed us last second because a titan was coming. We watched when the smiling titan took Carla and ate her, her blood spraying the town. Straight face, eyes widened, haunted about my family. There is no where I can live in happiness anymore. I hear a soft voice beside me. I thought I was alone.

"Mikasa? Are you alright?"

I've heard this voice before. It spoke to me last night. No. Why him?

I know who it is. I cover my face with my scarf and reply:

"Yes. I'm okay."

"It doesnt seem like you are.." He says.

He puts his hand on my shoulder and I have no choice but to look. It's Jean, as I expected.

"Mikasa, why are you crying?" He asks, with a worried look on his face.

"I'm...crying?" I raise my hand to my cheek and I feel tears.

"Haha, you didn't even notice yourself crying?" He laughs, trying to make me feel better. My face stays straight.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let you see me like this.." I say, embarrassed.

The bedtime bell rings and everyone walks out. I get up, but I feel a tug on my sleeve.

"It's only natural. Want to talk about it?" he says, almost begging me to stay. "I'd like to get to know you better. Even if we choose different paths, friends are friends."

The words sink in.

"Why are you being so nice to me? You only met me yesterday." I say, confused.

"You were crying. No one would let someone like you cry." he says softly.

Someone like me?

"I see." I don't actually see.

"Care to introduce yourself?" Jean says.

"Okay... I'm Mikasa Ackerman. I'm 13. I lived in Shiganshina, along with Eren and Armin. Eren's my closest friend, or brother. My... biological parents got murdered, and I-I lost Eren's mom to a titan."

I try so hard not to tear up again.

"Oh, Mikasa. I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I can leave you alone if you'd like." he says willingly.

"No, I'm fine. Your turn." I say, even though I'm not really fine.

"Oh. I'm Jean Kirschtein. I'm 14. I came here to join the Military Police. I lived in Trost. My best friend is Marco. What are you planning to join?" he asks.

"The Scouts." I say.

"What?!" he exclaims, "Mikasa, with your skill you can easily join the Military Police!"

"I don't want to." I say. "Eren's joining the scouts."

"You're following Jaeger?" he asks, jealous.

"I made a promise to his mother before she died." I say, on the verge of tears.

"I see. You surprise me, Mikasa."

A tear rolls down my cheek. I try to wipe it before Jean notices, but I was too late.

"We live in a cruel world. Everything is a surprise." I say, my voice barely affected by the burning in my throat.

"Mikasa... It's okay. I'm here for you. Do you... n-need a hug?" he blushes.

I give in. I'm vulnerable. I'm weak. I'm lying my head on a guy's chest. But it feels nice. Human affection, how I longed for it.
My arms wrap around him. I'm sort of blushing, but still crushed about my past.

"No one's ever called me beautiful before." I confess.

"M-mikasa? That can't be true."
He pulls away and puts his hands on my shoulders.
"I'm always here if you need me, you know. I can compliment you whenever you'd like. Oh u-um I mean if you want me to, not that I'm forcing you or anything." He says, very shyly, waving his hand around and cringing at himself.
It's adorable.

I give him a light smile. "I can never thank you enough, can I?"
Me, SMILING? This boy has manipulative powers or something.

He turns tomato red. "Yeah.. haha. we should go to bed now, we have more training to do tomorrow."

We head out walking beside eachother until we have to part ways. I... opened up to someone. Other than Armin and Eren, of course. I can't believe myself. I have to let him know that we can't speak of this.

Jean calls for me.

"Mikasa?"

I turn around.

"It's hurts to see you cry." He says.