Opening Up

The Roof

I wake from my sleep. It's 2am. I stay haunted at my losses, and I can't go back to bed. I walk up to the Scouts' roof and just sit there, enjoying the full moon. Carla. Mom. Dad. When you see your parents get murdered in front of you, you have no choice but to watch. When you see your comrade get eaten by a titan in front of you, you have no choice but to watch. We live in a cruel world. It's sad how I've realized that at the age of 9.
I dangle my feet off the edge of the building. If I jumped, who would save Eren? I bury my face in my scarf. I hear footsteps.

"Mikasaaaa, why are you up so late?" Sasha says. How did she know I was up here? I never made a sound. Her instincts are terrifying.

"Couldn't sleep. Did you be careful of your steps up here? Captain Levi is gonna be real mad."

"Oh-"

"*yawn* Sasha, why are you so god damn loud? Go back to bed." Another person says.

It's him. Another encounter. Sasha's so loud she woke the boys up?

"I'll leave if you give me some food tomorrow." Sasha pleads.

"Yeah, yeah, go to bed." Jean says.

He spots me.

"M-mikasa? Why are you here?"

"Jean, go back to bed." I reply.

"Only if you go back to your dorm." he dares.

"I guess we won't be sleeping then." I say with a sigh.

He sits next to me, but once he sees my face he turns away. Is he blushing?

We stare at the stars in silence.

"Why are you up?" He asks.

"Can't sleep." I say.

"Well, it's gotta be more than that." he says.

"No, that's all." I say, trying to brush the topic off.

"Mikasa, you opened up to me while we were cadets. No need to shut me out." he says, suggesting that I tell him what's wrong.

"Why did you join the scouts?" I ask.

"I was gonna walk away like the rest of them, but I froze. I've seen what happened—how the titans eat us. There is no guaranteed safety. You might as well do as much as you can." he says, frowning. "You also motivate me. You're strong-willed. I feel I'll be way below you if I didn't join."

"I see. I did come up here because I couldn't sleep, but it's just because I have nightmares about my family." I say. "They're pretty normal, but it's not like I'll never grow emotionless to them."

"Mikasa... you're not as stone cold as I'd thought you are. You're determined, but you're still soft in the inside." He says.

"You described yourself as well. Crying is only natural, remember?" I tease.

*flashback to when Mikasa opened up to Jean in the cadets and cried*

"It's only natural."

Jean's words, comforting me like a big blanket. I don't want to cry though, natural or not.

"Thank you, Jean. Your words back then are what keep me and my emotions in line." I say, not expecting a formal answer.

"No, Mikasa. Thank you. For opening up to me. You should really go to bed now."

He's the only person I've talked to deeply other than Armin and Eren. I trust him.
We stand up but I just fall into his chest. My head rests on him, and I wrap my arms around his neck. I feel him tense up. Oh no. Did I do something I shouldn't have? Having someone tall hugging me feels great, though. I don't want to let go. I feel him put his arms around me in return, and relax a bit. He's probably nervous. We just stand there in silence, enveloped in each other's warmth. The night is cold, but he's so warm. The side of his head rests on my hair. I feel happier.

"Mikasa..." he whispers.

"I'm sorry, I just really needed one." I whisper back.

"I thought you'd never ask." he says. I feel his cheeks rise. He's smiling.