Someday I'll Make It All Up To You

Chapter 2

Who would've thought that my life could be looking up?

I had no one to worry about, no one to weigh me down. While the future was a bit blurry, it was less of a grey, cloudy blur and more of a just woke up kind of blurry. It was a new day. A new beginning. A new chance at a better life.

Driving for hours in the middle of nowhere gives one a long time to think. There wasn't much to think about besides the past. Sadly, it was all I really had.

On the surface, my family looked normal. One mom, one dad, and one kid. But what people didn't see was the family below the surface. If there was one thing my parents were good at, it was pretending everything was fine.

Our family story was a classic tragedy, an alcoholic father and an abused, sensitive mom with a broken child stuck in the middle. I know it's a common, cliche story everyone is probably tired of hearing by now, but sadly we don't choose our story. I don't know the cruel person who is in charge of that, if it's God or someone else, but whoever they are, they are an asshole.

My dad has been a heavy drinker for as long as I can remember. I think he's had an alcohol problem since before I was born, but I wouldn't know. I never thought to ask. In a twisted way, I'm glad he drank. It made it harder for him to hide his shitty personality when he had no control. I got to see the real, true him. I used to wonder why my mom married him, let alone had a baby with him. But now, I realize he probably just sobered up enough to look like a good guy, and then once he had her he didn't have to hide anymore. It's what he did with everyone, parents, teachers, coaches. He was a good actor.

My mom was the most compassionate woman you'd ever meet. She was always looking out for everyone except for herself. She didn't care what happened as long as those she loved were happy.

Sometimes my dad would pass out early or he'd go out for the night, usually to the bars. While he was busy doing that, I would get alone time with mom. These were the times I cherished the most. We'd sit in the living room, watch movies and just talk. This is when I would get to tell her about my life, the good, the bad. I'd tell her about my accomplishments at school, most of which were just me managing to pass a test or even just turn in my homework. Whatever it was she was always proud. I'd also tell her about my struggles, failing many tests, friend troubles, girl troubles. She always gave me a shoulder to cry on, and she always gave the best advice. For a long time it was these moments that kept me going. I like to think it kept her going for a while too.

My mom could only take so much for so long. One day, while I was at school, my mom took her own life. I don't know how exactly she did it, my dad and the rest of my family refused to tell me and still won't tell me even to this day. I got the call in the middle of the day from my dad. I left school and immediately rushed to the hospital. Unfortunately it was too late. She was gone.

I finished the school year out, barely managed to graduate, and I ditched my plans to go to college. I was too depressed. I would've never been able to make it through.

Living with only my dad was extremely difficult. Without my mom as a buffer or someone to go to, I was stuck. That's where my eventual girlfriend came in. Bailey was her name. We met my freshman year, and she arguably saved me. Her and Bob were the two people I could talk to about anything. While I talked to my mom about almost everything, I couldn't obviously talk to her about her and dad, which was easily my biggest issue in my life. That's what I had friends for. Bailey, Bob and I would hang out constantly, we were three amigos. I started to catch feelings for Bailey my junior year. I would tell my mom about her. They never had the chance to meet, I never let people come to my house, I knew there was no way my dad could hold it together. But regardless my mom adored her, and I know she would've loved Bailey as much as I did if she met her.

Bailey was actually the one who asked me out, I was too scared to do it. Bob always tried to to hype me up but every time I'd go to do it I'd freeze up. She was a good thing in my life. I didn't want to screw up and lose her. She met me by my car one day after school, told me she would like to be my girlfriend, grabbed me by the coat and kissed me. And that was the start of it all.

Those nights I talked about before where we would spend the night together were the one thing I could look forward to in life. I cried in her arms the night my mom died, and many nights after. She made me truly happy, even in my darkest days. But that was taken away too.

I am not defending her for cheating, but I partially understand why she wanted to leave me. I wasn't the same guy she kissed in the school parking lot. I was broken and I wasn't doing much to change it. While she made me happy, I still was sad most of the time, including when I was around her. I dropped the dream of college, I didn't want a real job, I still lived at home with my alcoholic, abusive father even though he caused my problems and I was a grown adult who could've tried leaving. I can't help but wonder if maybe she didn't want to put up with that anymore. She probably couldn't watch someone she loved destroy themselves while starting to drag her down with them. I just wish she would've said that instead of stooping to cheating. She was better than that. I thought she was better than that.

I always wanted a perfect family, or at least one better than what I got. Parents who somewhat liked each other, a sober dad, a mom who wasn't driven to take her own life. I wanted a semi decent life with reliable friends, a girlfriend, and a chance at starting a new, better family someday. Some things just aren't meant to be I guess.

5/23/20 Sorry this one is kind of short and really late, like I said before school and work really kicked my ass the last couple weeks. But now that school is over, and I've settled into work, I will be able to be more consistent. Hopefully you like the story so far and will stick around! Beginnings of stories aren't my strong suite, even though they're extremely important, but I have chapters coming up that I'm really passionate about and excited for you to read! :)

8/16/20 Heyyyy so sorry I haven't updated in months, had some crazy life things going on. I can't promise updating every week with school coming up and all, but I am going to for sure try to get something out by the end of this week and next week as well (I have some chapters written, they just need to be edited and such). Stay tuned, I hope you are enjoying so far!