Someday I'll Make It All Up To You

Chapter 1

What has my life come to?

I laid on top of my bed, hands clasped together resting on my stomach, like a dead person in an open coffin at a funeral. I certainly felt that dead.

I stared at the blank, white ceiling, hoping for any kind of feeling to just hit me. At this point I'd even take sadness or depression, anything to fill this numb void I was experiencing. The only thing hitting me was the realization of how terrible my life was. I guess when I think about it, that alone is more than enough.

I am 22 years old, still live with my dad, I never went to college, I don't have a real job, and to top it all off, today I found out that my girlfriend of three years, the only stable person in my life, cheated on me. Basically I, Tyler Johnson, am a useless piece of shit.

The news of my now ex-girlfriend couldn't have come at a worse time. I would've taken any other day of the year to hear this. Even Christmas would've been a better time. But today, exactly one year after my mother, my favorite person in the world, died? Not exactly the best time. In my girlfriend's defense, I wasn't supposed to find out today, or at all for that matter. Pro tip: if you are going to cheat on someone, make sure the guy you're sleeping with will keep the secret and not tell a bunch of people, where it'll eventually get back to your boyfriend who is busy trying to grieve the death of his mother and probably doesn't need to add another piece of trauma to his overflowing plate.

I guess I should've known. I've been such a purposeless burden to everyone in my life. My dad can't stand me, and needs to drink until he passes out to get through life with me. I caused my mom the most pain, right up to her death. And clearly I wasn't even enough for my girlfriend.

It's a shame, I don't really have many friends so my girlfriend was the one person I could go to. When my dad was screaming at my mom in some drunken state, I would call her or go to her house for the night to escape. She was always ready with open arms. I never usually said much, I was never one for expressing all of my emotions. We'd sit in silence, be in each other's company. Sometimes we'd watch a show or movie to lighten the mood and take my mind off of things. Whatever we did, it always helped, and I would not have made it this far without those nights.

She never told me what it was that led her to cheat, but maybe I don't want to know. Actually, I know I don't want to know. I've been through enough.

As I continued staring intensely through the ceiling, I heard a ding from my phone. I sat there for a bit, not moving, not wanting to deal with anything. However, I could only ignore it for so long and I grabbed my phone off my end table and checked who it was. The name on my screen was not someone I was expecting at all.

Bob Wilson, my old best friend from high school. Him and I were inseparable, or so it seemed. Unlike me, Bob had big dreams. He wanted to see the world, or at least the country, and wanted to just travel, play his guitar, and be free. He always had this free spirit, something I could not relate to. Bob believed in the healing powers of music, and taught me guitar in an attempt to heal some of my pain. Sometimes it worked, but by this point in my life I had too many problems that were too big to be healed by some vibrating strings. Bob was so good to me, always checking on me, offering his support, and sometimes advice. But once we graduated high school, he set out on his soul-searching journey. We've kept in touch, but he's someone I wish I had in person. Support over the phone isn't quite the same.

Bob had texted me asking if he could call. I had nothing better to be doing, and I needed someone to talk to right now, so I responded with a "sure" and not too long after my phone was ringing.

"Hey Bob"

"Hey Ty what's up man?" It was always nice to hear his voice.

"Nothing too exciting, how have you been?"