Bruises ~ Jiara // obx

3 - The kiss?

Kiara POV

The warm, end-of-summer air engulfed me as I stepped outside and started towards the beach. I know I should probably invite Pope along but to be honest, I don't want to deal with all of that right now. I know he's desperate to talk about 'us' but I honestly don't know what I feel right now. Did I kiss him out of pity? One thing's for sure, I didn't feel anything during that kiss. But I know he did; and that's what scares me. God you are such an idiot Kiara. He's probably helping out his dad anyway, plus I'm just in the mood for some banter with JJ right now, if I'm being honest. Each time we all make the effort to meet together, none of us are ourselves by any means. One pogue down. And it hurts; a lot. But again, something tells me that today will be different. I surveyed the stretch of golden beach, gaze drawn to the aqua waves scintillating in the morning sun. I couldn't wait to get out there. The ocean had always been an escape for me, especially whilst I was attending that crappy Kook high school. All the girls ever seemed to care about was clothes and shoes; no one ever took the slightest interest in surf. Boring, stuck up idiots. I despised that place with a passion, and absolutely loathed the idea of ever having to go back. Kook life just isn't, and never will be for me. The air cooled slightly as I was met with the ocean breeze, and I set down my stuff, quickly pulling out my phone. No texts from JJ and no sign of him, yet. I just hoped that he was ok. A sudden wave of guilt hit me for not inviting Pope; after all, he was one of us. And we needed each other right now. I pulled out my phone to text him, praying that JJ would hurry up and get his ass out here before Pope could confront me about the kiss.

'Hey, you wanna join me and JJ for a surf?'

'Would love to, but helping my dad ):' he replied almost in an instant and a part of me was relieved. But what if he was hurting? I needed to be a better friend.

'Come on Pope, just for a couple of hours?' I pleaded. A couple of minutes passed before my phone beeped in response again.

'Alright then, I'll be there in 5,' I smiled and decided to settle down on the soft sand and wait.

20 minutes dragged along and neither of them had arrived yet. I was beginning to get slightly worried; what if they had both bailed? But suddenly, I heard footsteps behind me and turned, expecting to be jumped by a full-of-excuses JJ. Instead, Pope stood before me, wearing a weak smile that appeared rather forced. The guilt kicked in again, significantly more intense this time.

"Hey," I offered as he placed himself beside me. My stomach lurched at the thought of him starting a conversation about us, but he simply stared off into the distance.

"How you holding up Kie?" He asked, his tone genuine.

"I'm alright I guess, but I miss them Pope ... what about you?" I mentally slapped myself as I offered a weak reply – how is he holding up? How do you think Kie; the last time you were alone together was the kiss and you haven't spoken to him properly since. He sighed.

"I'm alright I guess ..." he trailed off and an awkward silence descended upon us. Damn it JJ, where are you? For a second I simply observed him. His form was sluggish and he appeared debilitated, like he wasn't sleeping properly. I don't blame him though, none of us had been. He caught me staring and our eyes locked for a split second, but I broke the gaze instantly in case he was getting the wrong idea. God Kie.

"Kie, we need to talk,"

There it is. The words I wanted more than anything in this world to avoid. I wish he would just take them back, and we would get up and surf. Or JJ would pop up, and make some sarcastic comment about us getting 'too close for comfort'.

"I know," I bit my lip, hugging my knees to my chest.

"So, the kiss ..." he trailed off, and I could see the desire in his eyes. He really was into me. It broke my heart how I didn't even feel anything for him besides a best friend. But he was going through so much right now, and I didn't want to hurt him anymore. However if I were to give him the wrong idea ... damn it, damn it, damn it.

"Pope ..." I started, unsure of how to finish.

"Look, I know you 'don't wanna talk about it' or 'need time' or whatever but I like you Kie. And you must've felt something if you kissed me right? Give me a chance, we could at least try it?" His plea was like a stab to the heart. I was drowning in guilt at this point; but saying yes would just hurt him even more.

"Pope ... your right - I'm not ready right now. I just lost 2 of my best friends and I'm honestly a mess right now. I don't want to drag you down with me, so just give me some time to think, ok? I'm not ready," I finished, daring to meet his gaze. Hurt flashed across his face, and I felt it.

"This is what you told me last time Kie, then you went and kissed me. You've had time. John B and Sarah died almost 3 months ago! We need to move on. This is a good step to take!" He protested, and I could already tell this wasn't going to end well.

"Pope ..."

"No, enough with the Pope. If you don't like me just say it, you don't need to avoid it by saying you're 'not ready'" he exclaimed, anger evident in his tone.

"Pope that's not true, of course I like you! But for now, I think that might just be as a friend ..." I almost whispered the last part, aware of how much it would hurt him. He stood up abruptly, grasping his surfboard swiftly along the way.

"Fine Kie, but next time you find a nice boy who loves you and you don't feel the same way, let them know instead of leading them on," and with that he stormed off. I buried my head in my hands. Nice one, Kiara. Now you've lost another friend. And where the hell was JJ? I surveyed the area, just to watch Pope disappear out of view. So much for a good day. Impatience was starting to get the better of me, so I picked up my phone to text JJ.

'Where are you?'

No reply. I sighed; maybe I should just go home. I've been here a good 40 minutes now, and in the process have screwed up my friendship with Pope and JJ has failed to even show up. Why is my life such a mess?