The Manstress [EdwardxJacob]

Weak 😔❤️

That first night, the first night after it happened, something possibly even more horrible happened.

Nothing.

As Edward sat across from his wife and ate his green salad, he kept waiting for her to bring it up.

There's no way she didn't notice.

Why isn't she asking? Does she already know?

The longer the silence went on, Edward had a sinking feeling in his stomach.

She wasn't going to say anything.

He didn't, as one might expect, feel relief. No, far from it. In that moment Edward felt a weight settle over him.

He realized that he hadn't just been dreading it--in some twisted way, he had been hoping for it.

Call me out. Tell me I'm wrong. Stop me from wanting this as badly as I do.

Help me, I need help.

Remind me what the difference is between right and wrong.

To Edward, Bella's silence was an entirely different kind of condemnation. She was sentencing him to flounder alone in the grey, lost and with no one to turn to.

Who am I?

And that's the kicker, isn't it? That morning, staring into the mirror and not recognizing himself, that desperate clawing inside his chest—

Who am I?

Looking outward at what his life had become and realizing he had no one left that he trusted unconditionally, no one left who knew him inside and out, no one left that he loved in that all-consuming, doubtless way—

Who am I, now?

So he tries so hard to do it alone. He feels like someone with poor eyesight who's lost their glasses—squinting into the blur of the world and trying to make things out.

He goes to work and does his job.

He puts all of his energy into not thinking about it (him).

He comes home to his wife every night, without fail.

He tries so hard, but inside he still feels hollow.

Is it the guilt? Is that why he feels this way? Maybe he needs to come clean. Should he tell Bella?

But no, that would ruin everything. And he's trying so hard to be good.

Isn't being good supposed to feel good? Then why does he feel this way? Is he doing it wrong?

With each passing day, he feels exhaustion pulling at him, dragging him down. The world seems to lose its colour. The man in the mirror looks less and less like the person he once was.

So he stops looking in the mirror.

Days pass. Weeks. A month.

Edward's life feels like a slowly sinking ship. The water pours in over the sides, and he doesn't know how to stop it. Isn't sure he wants to, anymore. Maybe, he thinks, he should just let it sink. The sea can have him.

But still he tries, because trying is good. Probably. He thinks it is. Is it?

These days, he's never sure of anything.

Another month goes by.

And then one day, he shoves his hand into his pocket and hears the crinkle of paper as his hand brushes against something.

He pulls out a small, crumpled piece of paper. He unfolds it. In black pen, someone has written a phone number.

No, not someone. Him.

Jacob.

Who am I?

Weak.

Notes:

Thanks for reading chapter five of The Manstress! I hope you enjoyed it :)

Sorry for the angst, haha. Edward is having a bit of emotional turmoil. But! If you haven't guessed, Jacob will be back next chapter! And with the return of Jacob, the chapters will be getting longer again. The last few chapters were really just snapshots of Edward's struggle against himself, but he's finally given in lol.

If you liked this chapter, please leave a comment or a vote. Your support means so much <3

~ahoge chan xx