hehe peteky time

color TV

TW//S*icide

Mikey couldn't believe that Pete was actually fucking dead. When Gerard had come into his room that night, he expected literally anything but his boyfriend to be dead. But here he was, sitting in the middle of Pete's room, eyes staring at the empty pill bottle next to the letter.

Mikey couldn't cry, his brain was still processing the fact that Pete was dead, he would never come over with a bottle of cheep liquor, or see his eyes turn into golden-honey in the sunlight, or see his crooked smile and hear the way he said Mikey's full name like one word. No more talking about the Ramones or Smashing Pumpkins and burning CD's for each other with different sappy love songs and new music. No more kissing under the stars and skinny dipping in the lake or egging homophobes houses and spray-painting giant dicks in their yard.

It was strange being in Pete's room alone, usually they shared it together, whispering little secrets in the night and doing unspeakable things that would never leave their lips. Promises to keep and love and lust. Mikey had so many memories in this room, even if they weren't even boyfriends officially for long. Pete was his Sweet Little Dude, they were supposed to be in it for ever, their stupid clan. "It's just you and me mikes, against the world" Pete had said to Mikey, "my sweet little dude"

Mikey had read the note over and over again, it was so desperate, so poetic, just like Pete had always been. Mikey could understand every word, what they meant and how they all connected and why he was gone.

"Mikey," Mrs. Wentz's voice rang out quietly in the quiet room, Mikey looked at the disheveled woman, her shoulders wrapped in a cardigan, eyes and cheeks stained red, "take what you'd like, sweetheart, I know how much you loved him."

Mikey only nodded in response, feeling his adams apple bob up and down as he swallowed back a sob. He didn't want to put anymore stress on Pete's mom, so when she turned around, it was no surprise when the tears fell hot down his cheeks. All he could do was stare at the walls around him, and breathe in the Pete smell, cinnamon and cheep booze and whatever his mom used to wash their clothes. He felt as though Pete should be walking through the door any minute now, telling him that it was just a a prank, and Mikey would punch him in the chest but then kiss him on the lips because he loved Pete; though Mikey had seen the police carry his boyfriends body away, and there was no doubt about it that the love of his life was completely and utterly dead.

Mikey decided to grab a hoodie or two of Pete's, maybe to keep the Pete smell around him, he didn't want it to disappear forever, but he knew inevitably it would.

"Mikey?" Pete's mom called from downstairs, "Gerard's here to take you home," Mikey sighed, grabbing Pete's hoodie and the note Pete left and walking down the stairs to face his mom.

"Thank you, Mrs. Wentz, I'll be around for a while, I'm not gonna leave you alone like this, it hurts enough for me I can't imagine-" Mikey is cut off with a hug, Mikey awkwardly hugs back, giving a pained smile to her.

"Oh! Before I forget, he was making you a gift for your next anniversary, it's on that video camera over there," she pointed to the counter, "I haven't looked at it, I wanted you to have it, it was for you anyway." Mikey nods, grabs the camera, thanks Pete's mom again, then runs out to the car where his older brother waits for him.

"Hey Mikes, how's she holding up?" Gerard asks, in an attempt to make conversation with his younger brother. Mikey just shrugs clutching the two items tightly to his chest.

"About how you'd think she's holding up," Gerard let's out a small chuckle and says nothing else. Leaving the two in silence all the way to their house. When they finally reached their house, Mikey bolted inside, ignoring his parents calls and heading straight for his room, and locking the door. As soon as the lock clicked, Mikey let out a choked sob. All of the events of the day finally leaving his body in the form of tears, snot, and sobs, huge stomach turning sobs. Mikey collapsed to the floor clutching Pete's sweatshirt to his chest, and trying to fill his soul with the Pete smell, and replace the empty empty feeling in his whole body. He couldn't stop crying, even if he tried, breathing in and out just like Pete had taught him, and if he tried he could even hear Pete's low voice-

"come on baby, in and out, do it with me, I got you, I'm right here, come on Mikes, in and out-"

But it only made him cry harder, he would never feel Pete again, his warmth and his heart and his soul, he was gone.

Once Mikey could see again, he reached for the tape recorder, walking over to his TV, he plugged the small device into the wire and then the wire into the TV, and watched it fizz to life. Mikey sat down in the small fort him and Pete had made at the edge of Mikey's bed, a white sheet hug from the side of the wall and taped to the side of Mikey's bass guitar case, that was leaning against Mikey's bedpost. Mikey clutched a pillow (along with Pete's hoodie) and pressed play on the remote.

When the film finally started to play, Mikey saw video upon video of Mikey and Pete, all of them in black and white of course, and Mikey felt like he couldn't breathe. Many of the videos showed all of the moments that Mikey had loved with Pete, staring at the sunset off the docks, watching the stars off a cliff that peaked over the entire city, videos of them kissing and holding hands at the county fair, Mikey staring in wonder at the flashing lights on the Farris Wheel, Pete felling Mikey to smile for the camera, and when he didn't, Pete kissed Mikey on the forehead causing him to blush and giggle like a little school girl. So many endless good times and memories, and Mikey felt his heart be torn and stomped on as the video progressed. At the end, it was just Pete, holding the camera like he was taking a picture for his MySpace profile, and Mikey could almost laugh.

"Hey Mikeyway, happy three year anniversary, I've been collecting videos ever since we made the promise to be Sweet Little Dudes for life. I love you so much baby, please don't ever forget that. If someone told me that I would loose you if I ever touched music again, I would throw my whole life away for you. I love you so much Michael James Way, I always have." The Pete on the screen pauses and looks to the side, "hey, maybe when we're older we can get married. When it becomes legal, and we can adopt some little kids, my only request is we have two little boys and two little girls, they'll be the cutest kids Mikeyway, you'll see. I love you Mikeyway, I love you." And then the screen faded to black. Mikey stared at the screen again, blinking furiously and processing everything that just happened. Pete wanted to get married. He'd never mentioned that to Mikey before. Mikey then became a disheveled mess again, clutching his pillow and Pete's hoodie in complete agony.

Mikey wished he was dead, he felt like he was going to throw up and his whole body felt like it was being eaten whole. He felt empty, and honestly he wouldn't mind it if he died, it felt like it would be fun, and he would finally be able to see pete again. Even if it had only been a few hours since Pete had been dead.

Mikey couldn't move, or breath for that matter. All he could do was sob and sob and sob and hope that eventually the air around him would stop being so fucking heavy so he could breathe. But it never would, he felt like he was drowning in his own tears and snot, and he obviously didn't look any better. Eyes and cheeks stained red and face covered in a clear sheen. Mikey finally found the strength to stand up, he walked about two or three steps before collapsing on his bed, burrowing himself in the sheets that him and Pete had shared just two days ago- if he tried hard enough, he could still feel Pete there, his soft, dark skin and rough hands and raised lines where his tattoos were. He could remember the smell of Pete's sweat and the feel of his lips pressing feathery light kisses all over his body. Mikey knew it was all a memory though, so he pretended that Pete was just downstairs with his family, having small talk with Donna and Donald and Gerard and petting their dog lovingly, and he was about to come upstairs and leave them to whatever they did while Mikey and Pete were upstairs in his room.

Mikey was sadly left alone, in a cold bed, and maybe even he'd forget he's all alone in his room, not even the buzz of his phone lighting up with a dirty dirty text message from Pete. But Mikey was all alone in his room, clutching the pillows and sobbing. Because Pete was gone, and nothing could change that now.