Your pain is my pleasure: BTS AU

Thirty-eight

The wind is cold and I silently cuss myself out for not thinking to put a jacket on, wrapping my arms around my torso tighter as my backpack bounces against my back with every step. I stop so that I can put my hair up into a ponytail so that it isn't blowing around my face anymore, sighing deeply as I walk down the familiar streets.

I need to talk to Jay. I texted him when I first left the house, but he hasn't responded yet. He always has an answer for every situation though. If anyone will be able to tell me what I can do to get my friends to believe me, it will be him. If I go back to the house and can get him to open his window I can go in and talk to him without my mom having to find out. I also know that he will let me spend the night too, which is why I packed an over-night bag.

I turn the last corner and stop as my house comes into sight, the porch light on and three cars in the driveway. I know that one is Jay's and the other is my mom's, me having no clue as to who the other one belongs too. I know my mom said that my dad was back, but she can't have already let him move back in. I guess I'll just have to be extra careful not to be seen if he is actually here.

I take a deep breath before letting it out again, walking towards the house and making sure I stay out of the light as I make my way towards the backyard. The gate is unlocked like it usually is, my footsteps muffled by the freshly-cut grass. I take my phone out to check if Jay has seen my message one last time before putting it away and shaking my hands out. I guess I'm gunna have to be old-fashioned then.

It's hard looking for rocks in the dark, but I can't risk someone seeing the light from my phone if I put on the flashlight. I bend down so that I can search with my hands around the bushes, the knees of my jeans getting soaked in the process. The water from the grass is cold, and I can feel myself shivering as I drag my hands through the mud in order to find what I'm looking for. 

"Come on" I groan out loud before halting all of my actions, looking around me for any sign of movement. I could have sworn that I just heard the gate move, but I don't see anything now that I'm looking over there. 

The gut feeling I usually get when something bad is about to happen hits me full force and I decide that I can't risk being out here any longer, wiping my dirty hands on the front of my jeans and inwardly cringing at how bad they are going to look when I go back into the light. It doesn't matter right now though. I just need to get the Hell away from here and text Jay to meet me before school tomorrow. 

I stand and turn around so that I can leave, my eyes going wide and a gasp leaving my lips when I see that someone was standing behind me. My heart is pounding so fast that it literally hurts, my hands beginning to shake as I try to stop the start of a panic attack. 

"Charlotte. It's nice to see you again."

"Dad" I get out as I look around for a way past him. "I-I-I didn't know you w-were back."

He chuckles without humor and I can feel every single hair on both of my arms stand up, me subconsciously taking a step backwards when he moves towards me. "Oh, but I think you did, Charlotte. Your mom was very upset when you left her message on read."

"Come home" he continues on with, his forward step making me take another one back. I almost trip over the bush when I back into it, my breathing getting more rapid when I realize that I'm trapped.

What is wrong with me? I literally spent years training to fight, learning how to protect myself from him. I vowed that I would never cower in fright in front of him again and yet here I am, my whole body trembling as he approaches. It's like I can't even move, all of the self-defense I learned slipping from my mid as I am consumed by the fear of my literal living nightmare. 

I swallow harshly, "I-I think I'm good where I a-am. I w-wouldn't wan--"

My words are cut off as a hard slap sends me tumbling to the ground, all of my fears coming true as my dad's shadow looms over me. I barely feel the sting from the branches of the bushes as they cut up my arms, all of my focus on my dad as he slowly makes his way towards me. I am barely able to keep my pathetic whimpers of desperation from escaping my lips, the wind causing the skin of my cheek where he slapped me to sting even more.

"I don't think you understood me" he says before stopping and picking me up by the front of my shirt. He cuts off my yell of protest with a blow to my stomach, his other hand forcing me to look up at him despite me wanting to curl up and hold onto the forming bruise. His grip is like iron, the rough pads of his fingers scratching against my chin as he holds me in place.

"I told you to come home, and I expect you to do so. Your mother is very adamant on spending your eighteenth birthday with you."

I can barely breathe right now. My adrenaline too high, my limbs appearing to be trembling so much that they are unresponsive. Even the news about my birthday isn't enough to break through my panic, though it does help me to try and focus on something other than the evil man currently holding me. 

I had known that my birthday was coming up, but with the whole Jimin not talking to me situation, and now the snitching accusations, I haven't really been keeping track. If today really is what I think it is, my birthday is in two days. If only I had friends who were willing to celebrate it with me, there no way in Hell I am celebrating it with my dad.

Thinking about my birthday took my mind off of my dad enough for me to gather my courage, my head clearing from the mist of fear it had been shrouded in. It's not a lot, but it was enough for me to kick out with my foot and hit my dad in the thigh. I was aiming for his dick, but I'll take what I can get. He releases me as he curses, me taking that as my chance to get the fuck out of here.

"Charlotte! Get back here!"

"Fuck you!" I shout over my shoulder as I sprint through the back gates and onto the street, the wind whipping through my ponytail and bringing tears to my eyes.

I keep running, not even looking over my shoulder to see if he followed me until I am more than five blocks away. That's when I stop and allow myself to breathe, the part of my stomach he hit throbbing with pain along with every shallow pant. I allow the terror that had rendered me defenseless to swallow me whole until I'm a sobbing mess on the pavement below me, all of the memories I tried so hard to forget surging back and wreaking havoc on my overwhelmed mind. 

I can't believe how pathetic I am, self disgust welling up in my chest until it's almost unbearable. I promised myself I would never let him touch me again. I promised that I would swing without any hesitance the next time I saw him. Why couldn't I do it? Why couldn't I defend myself? Why did one look paralyze me with fear when I pride myself on being strong? 

What is wrong with me?