Feelings
I asked lily what happend between her and Drake but she never answer me. Lily told me that it was painful until now so she's not ready to talk about it. I respected her decision kaya after nun umuwi na lang din ako.
Nandito ako sa kwarto nakahiga at nakatulala sa kisame, thinking about David. It's so early for this. Hindi nga ko sigurado kung may feelings ako sa kanya eh I'm just happy and tensed when I'm with him. Hindi ko alam kung bakit but sometimes I also feel excited kapag nakikita ko sya.
Taking risk? Hindi ko pa kaya sa ngayon, natatakot ako sa mga bagay bagay na pwedeng mangyari. When Vern broke my heart I lost myself. I don't want another hurtbreak, baka di ko kayanin kung mangyayari ulit sakin yon.
Dianna calling...
"Hey" bungad nya sakin.
"Di what should I do?" I asked very hopelessly, I am sad and frustrated because I don't know what I should do.
"What? Ano nangyari?" Natatarantang sagot ni Dianna.
"David" a long silent envelope us. She's waiting na magkwento ako.
"He's a friend Di" tanging nasambit ko kasi natatakot akong halungkatin kung ano ba talagang nararamdaman ko sa kanya.
"Do you like him?" she asked.
I'm crying because I can't even answer that simple question, ano bang basehan para malaman mong may gusto ka sa isang tao, for a short period of time.
"I don't know Di at ayokong malaman" I said while crying.
"Remember what I told you last time, Be happy ivy you deserve to be and if David makes you happy why don't you give it a try"mahinahong payo ni Dianna, I'm scared.
"I'm.......scared" nauutal kong pag amin sa kanya.
"Baka masaktan lang ulit ako" dagdag ko.
"Alam mo ivy sa lahat ng bagay pwede tayong masaktan that's the essence of love"
"Ayokong pangunahan ka sa mga decision mo but I don't want you to regret not taking those risk"
"I don't want you to cry because of regret"
"Thank you Di, I think about it"
It's been a month, David and I never talk umiiwas sya sakin, lily always accompanied me while Drake is always with David, I never have a courage to ask lily or Drake about the issue kasi parang iniiwasan din nila yung topic about it.
Kapag break time sabay sabay kami kumakain but he never talk tahimik lang syang kakain tapos magpapaalam na umalis. Nakipagpalit din sya kay Drake ng seat kaya di na kami magkatabi, hindi ko na lang pinapansin lahat ng pag iwas nya but I'm hurt.
Kapag uwian hindi nya na ko sinasabay kaya nagjejeep na lang ako. That was okay with me dahil hindi naman nya obligation na ihatid ako sa terminal.
Binigyan ko sya ng space kasi alam kong nasasaktan din sya, i never complain and ask what's wrong because I deserve this. He's feelings is valid, and I accept the cold.
Every week nag rarant din ako kay Dianna sa sobrang daming ginagawa, frustrated na ko sa school pati kay David. The night I talked to Dianna that's also the night I made a decision.
I want friendship and if in time my feelings get deeper I will allow him to court me, if he's feeling still there ofcourse.
I want to çomfront him about my decision, but he never allow to. I try talking to him pero nilagpasan nya lang ako.
