Sentient

Sink into the Pillow

The night's insanely long, when everything's wrong;
Thoughts are playing on repeat like my favorite song,
Implacable. Inexorable. Unshakable.
Body starts to tremble as despairs assemble.

As my head gradually sink into the pillow,
I can feel that my fear's drowning me slow;
The darkness, this loneliness, and the silence,
This emptiness almost feels like prison sentence.

Toxic cocktail of emotions I've been drinkin',
Is the caffeine that prevents me from sleepin';
Flood of adrenaline over melatonin,
What am I needin'? A burst of serotonin.

For hours I've been lying, eyes fixed on the ceiling,
My mind is wandering and aimlessly thinking,
In the silence of the night I hear, loud and clear,
The persistent voice in my head that I named Fear.

I tone-down this voice with supply of background noice,
'Cause listening to him will never be my choice,
But at 1 o'clock, with none to talk, he attacks,
Ears sealed with pillow yet he still slips through the cracks.

Judging. Condemning. Reproaching. Finger-pointing.
According to him I'm to blame with everything;
'Cause I'm a mess and I'll never be good enough,
That it will be a lot better if I just give up.

Me and the voice in my mind, we're caught in a strife;
Telling me to end my life, cut my wrist with a knife,
Said, if I'm tired of living life of rise and fall,
Endure the pain it'll bring to feel no pain at all.

Well, he's not wrong when he said, I am not that strong;
True, I've been holding unto hope for far to long,
Been putting up a fight for as long as i could,
Been wearing masks that over the time, I accrued.

'Cause its easy to put on the perfect façade;
Blend and pretend, applaud despite being a fraud;
It'll be easy to deceive people with a lie,
But I can't fool myself, no matter how hard I try.