Can't shake this feeling, I keep on ruminating,
With bitter thoughts, my mind never stops on thinking;
Feels like running on hamster wheel, it's exhausting;
Strenuous and tiring, tedious and frustrating.
I'm dissecting the details of my situation,
Drawing lines, tracing the connection with my past action;
I'm figuring out what exactly I did wrong,
Or have I ever did something right all along?
'Cause there's a lot of things in the past I'm not proud of:
Awful memories I wish I can get rid of,
Things I would undo if I'm given a chance to,
Paltry feelings I'd like to dismiss, say "adieu."
I'm convincing my self to forgive and let go,
Forget the mistakes I made since a long time ago;
Yet gloomy emotions rushed like turbulent flow,
Drowning me slow, like a tide with an undertow.
Treading desperately in sea of fears and worries,
Trying to stay afloat in this mental crisis;
I'm gasping for air as hopelessness fills my lung,
Can't even scream for help, guess the cat caught my tongue.
Bobbing up and down in these feelings, I'm drowning.
Keeping my head above water, barely breathing;
In a quandary between sinking or swimming,
Should I throw in the towel? Or keep on going?
Misery occuring day-to-day, unending.
Don't have intentions to inveigh, just saying:
What does my life amounts to anyway? Nothing;
Precious gift wasted away for an undeserving.
I have this feeling that if I give up living,
Refrain from struggling, and succumb into sinking,
It'll not only put an end to my suffering,
But also be a new dawn, a fresh beginning.
A brand new world without me in the equation:
No more "me" in addition for consideration,
So they can focus with undivided attention,
Appreciate the product of thier own volition.
YOU ARE READING
Sentient
PoetrySENTIENT: Poems of Depression and Anxiety WARNING: Sensitive content. Life is full of tricks hidden under its sleeves. It never cease to amaze and surprise. It never stops whether it is no longer amusing nor entertaining. This is a poem about how I...
