Mistletoe

December 21st

Sunday December 21st

08.54am

There was a lump in my throat as I headed towards the park. A pile of bricks seemed to have rooted itself deep in my stomach, making me feel sick. I knew what I was off to do, but at the same time I felt like it wasn't the case at all.

Parker had texted for me to meet him in the park at nine as his train would be leaving forty minutes past nine. I'd offered to drive him there, but he'd said it wasn't necessary as the train station was just a few minutes from the park - as everything else, as the park was so central. My fingers kept twisting and untwisting in front of me as I walked, and the closer I got to my favorite cherry blossom tree the faster my heart beat.

I'd known from the very beginning that this was the day that Parker would leave to go home, but the whole time it had felt so distant, so unreal, that it had never taken up much space in my mind. Until now. Now it was all I could think about.

I leant against the trunk of the tree when I arrived, the ground still covered in snow so I couldn't sit down. My knuckles were white from either the cold or the pressure I put on them, maybe a little bit of both.

"Hey you," came Parker's voice from beside me and I jumped as I had been too wrapped up in my own head to hear his approach.

"Hey," I said, my voice soft, and then I threw myself around his neck and buried my face in the side of his throat, breathing him in.

Parker's arms were firm and warm around me, and I could feel his heart hammering beneath his jacket, it was almost as quick as mine. For a while we just stood there, wrapped in each other's arms, both of us dreading what was to come and feeling no need to fill the time with words.

"Valerie," Parker murmured and I leaned away to look at him, not wanting to waste a single second with him. I wanted to drink him in, scent, features, voice and all. "I want you to know that you've made these last few weeks here in Mannling incredibly special. You're special. I might not know when I'm coming back, but I promise you that I will. I will come back for you."

That was when the first tear fell, and I sniffed. "Ditto," I told him, not knowing what else to say. "I'm really glad you left me that cupcake," a distorted laugh escaped me and he joined in, smiling.

With steady hands he cradled my face, making warmth spread through me once more. His thumbs moved to wipe away the few stray tears beneath my eyes.

"Don't cry," Parker murmured, even though his own eyes were filling up with water, "this isn't the end for us."

"I know," I sniffed, "but it still feels horrible."

Parker smiled, like he knew exactly what I was talking about. "It does," he agreed. "I wish I could do something to keep you from feeling this way. I'm the one leaving, it's not fair for it to have such an impact on you."

I knew what he meant, in theory, but by now we were so fused together that it was impossible for him not to have such an impact on me. Impossible for me not to react to him leaving.

"We'll talk on the phone every day," he promised me, "and when I know something for sure you'll be the first to know. Maybe you can come visit for New Year's Eve if you want to."

"If I want to, are you nuts?" I asked, "Of course I'm coming."

"That settles that then," Parker murmured, resting his forehead against mine. "Maybe this'll be easier when we know we'll see each other again soon."

"Soon-ish," I corrected, "It still feels a million years away."

"I know."

Suddenly panic began coursing through me. "What time is it? Shouldn't we be heading to the train station?" Parker didn't release my face and as I looked into his eyes I could feel my stomach drop. "Parker?"