When The Stars Align

chapter thirty one | hey, you

I DIDN'T WANT TO but I was the first one to pull away, taking a couple steps back. This... this wasn't supposed to happen... but I wanted it to happen again. Atticus looks embarrassed, covering his face with his hand.

"I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have spilled that on you, Vera. I just wanted to know what it felt like and-"

I place a hand over his mouth, making him stop talking. I didn't want to hear it now. I didn't want to hear him ramble. All I really wanted to do was kiss him again. And again and again and again. But I stopped myself.

"Atticus... Atticus it's okay," I tell him. "Atticus, you make me feel like the most important girl in the world, you know that. I think, all I've wanted since seeing you again was to be with you and I wanted to... to hold you in my arms and I just... I thought you forgot about me. I... I saw you, at every school dance. I watched through the windows, from the trees. It sounds so... stalkerish and weird and it's like I'm obsessive over you or something but when I was gone, I just wanted to come back to you and Tori and Lys."

I drew in a deep breath. The next part would hurt.

"But... you've been so open to me about your past and your relationships and... I haven't been the same." I paused. Another deep breath... in... out. "I have my secrets and the life I lived was... beyond anything that would be considered normal. I mean, I'm a killer. An assassin. I didn't think that, once you knew that part, you'd still be my friend, never mind love me. And... what I'm trying to say is... I can't do this, right now. Date you, if that's what you want to happen after."

His face falls. He looks devastated. "I get it, really it's-"

I don't let him finish. "There's some things that I know I have to tell you at one point-"

"Like a relationship? Ex-boyfriend?"

Something like that.

"It's... complicated," was all I say. "I'll... I'd really appreciate it if I could tell you on my own time, when I'm ready, and I hope you know that I want to be with you-" Oh gods, I can't believe that I'm admitting this. "-but I just want to do it right, because you don't deserve to be in love with a half crazy psychopath-"

"You aren't that, Vera. I can assure you, you aren't a psychopath."

I bit my lip. "I'm going to fix myself. I'm going to figure out what to do with myself and I'm going to figure out this crazy life that I lead, and when I do figure it out, I promise you, that I'm yours." I purse my lips. "Is that... is that okay... with you?"

He bit his bottom lip. "Yeah... yeah, okay. You figure yourself out, and then I'm here for you. Okay? But, I still get to keep my position as best friend."

I laughed. "Yeah, if you're going to be that cheesy, I'm going to have to get you to vacate that position, too." He joined me, laughing, and for a second again, we were just best friends enjoying a good laugh.

"HEY! ATT!"

The laughter stopped. Both of us turned around, where Avery Foster and Jason Hearst was approaching us. Jason held a camera. Like, not a phone camera, but an expensive, Eden company camera. I groaned. It was too early in the morning to be followed, what the fuck are these boys doing.

"It's a bit too early to hang out, isn't it?" Atticus called out. "Didn't Finch have a party last night? Heard you got pretty wasted, Foster."

The boy rolled his eyes. "Your ex knew you were going to break up with her, but don't you think she'll let go of you so easily. She has to play the jealous ex-girlfriend before she can move on."

"She saw you pass by her house this morning," Jason continued. "Heard you had a staring contest, she thought you wanted to go get her back. When you walked away, she called us, asked to follow you two and see what you were up to. I'm pretty sure the result is not what she wanted, but what she expected."