I slept in until almost 1:00 today. I must have been exhausted. I've not slept that late since I have been home. Jude told me that I never sleep in late. One of the older kids must have taken Raiya this morning after she woke, because when I woke up I heard her in the living room. For a brief moment, my arms searched the bed around me frantically. I am getting more used to having her glued to my side.
Today.. I just felt sluggish. It seems like I don't have any energy. Something just feels off. It was cloudy and stormy this morning so maybe that is affecting my mood? I really don't know. But with the curtains pulled tight so that everyone in the trailer park couldn't see into our bedroom, I slept!!! Peacefully, soundly and apparently extendedly SLEPT for the first time since the accident.
My mind was at ease. I don't carry all these worries. I snuggled securely in my own bed, in this home they tell me is mine.. and just slept. It felt amazing, but somehow I still can't shake the feeling that something is off with me. I want to make a doctors appointment... but what will Elam say? Would he mind? Is this even worth it? The doctors all have assured me just this week that I am healing fine and I've gotten a few glimpses of memories coming back, which are all good signs. So maybe I am just being paranoid? Maybe I really am crazy???
All I know is that today I feel more settled than I have since stepping foot in this strange place. Living with these strangers. Elam has taken such extraordinary measures to make sure that I am comfortable and taken care of. He really does love me, this life we have someone carved out here, with this messy run down house, these wild kids and all these problems. He just smiles. He is content. It's like everything that he has ever wanted in the entire world is right here. I envy him of that assurance.
I don't know if this is what I always wanted? I don't remember if I was happy. I don't know who I am even an anymore... but I'm trying to find her. I'm trying to search out the depths of Whitley Barlow, wife to Elam Barlow... mother of two and raising probably my future daughter in law, as we wait on this new baby to enter our lives. This is my story and I guess I can't say that I've lived a boring life. This certainly is an adventure, even if I am still terrified of the ride. I'll get there... as Elam says... just have to keep on holding on to hope
YOU ARE READING
The Diary of Whitley Barlow
RomanceComing out of a week long coma, whitely wakes to a family she doesn't know, a life she can't remember and a love she doesn't recognize. Will she ever regain her memory? Will she move past these injuries?
