The unexpected

CADE

It had been four months since I caught Alesha cheating, and my heart was still a broken mess.

The last day I saw her was the day I told her to get out, the same day I caught her actually. She said she would be back the next day as soon as I had calmed down, but she never did return. Or at least she didn't when I was home. It took a week for her to decide to come home - when I was at work - and remove all her belongings into her new boyfriends house. Surprisingly I was disappointed. I never intended to beg for her, or forgive her if she gave me the option, but it would of been nice to know a part of her did still want me. Especially when I never understood why she did retreat to cheating in the first place.

Everyday I've asked myself - whether that be when I'm driving to a customer, or when I'm gazing in the mirror - what did I do wrong?

Questions like: 'is it my appearance?' have made their way through my brain. Or 'was I not romantic enough?', 'was the sex not enough for her?'. Was just being loved by someone, the same person, for the rest of your life too difficult? I asked one morning. This morning to be precise. For some strange reason I'd spent since three AM lying in my cold, lonely bed, eyes wide open - stinging from exhaustion - wondering about all the things I did wrong.

I thought I was making progress if I'm honest; I hadn't spent as much time dwelling on the past these previous few weeks. But for some reason this morning had decided to let it circle back round, and worm it's way into my brain.

My closest friend, and oldest friend since school, Jonah, had told me I needed to move on with someone new. Easier said than done, J. If it was that easy, I'd of found someone new by now. Not because I considered myself a catch or anything, I really didn't after what happened, but because I never had any issues when it came to dating. Then again that was over four years ago when I was nineteen, so maybe I couldn't really say that. Anyway, I wasn't about to go find someone else; my heart was too broken to even attempt feelings for someone new.

That girl from this morning - what was her name again? - she was cute. Pretty I suppose. Her hair was a little dry, I presumed not her natural colour from the continuous dye, and she had soft curves - nothing like Alesha who had curves in all the right places (my type). Nevertheless she was gorgeous. Stunning even.

Ah! Her name was Carla! I was sat in my van on the way home so as soon as her name came to my mind I almost smacked into the car in front from realisation.

Anyhow, she - Carla - was very nice.

Why did this matter? You've said that like how many times now?

I was just curious maybe. New girl, new project. I was a little fond of her taking on a huge hotel like that on her own. I was also curious as to how she afforded it, she'd said money wasn't an issue. That indicated she really did have a lot of money; she wasn't just being logical - you know like she'd calculated roughly how much my job was going to cost so she had an idea - she just didn't have to worry because she could afford it anyhow.

She didn't seem to be married or in any kind of relationship. There was no ring, and I presumed he - or she maybe - would of been there with her. She also didn't mention any other contact on the phone.

So she was cute and possibly single. I rolled my eyes. I wasn't interested in her like that, she could be a friend maybe? I could do with a few more considering half of them are married to Alesha's friends. And I'd rather not have to be associated with her and her fancy fella.