Tiny stars

The time you created your future.

Dear pre-teen me,

Be patient. Have hope. Everything will change for good.

You often asked yourself what is your purpose, your reason to be on earth. You couldn't comprehend why you felt so lonely when you were surrounded by people, how all of the sudden you didn't seem to have anyone to lean on.
You were incredibly attentive of everyone's ideas and negative opinions, so much, your perception of yourself was utterly distorted. You didn't look at yourself in the mirror as much as you used to, and if you did, you thought you'd see that "fat", "ugly", "useless", "weeping" "Godzilla". You're blinded by those lies from mean girls. That made you very self-conscious. You didn't remember doing anything wrong but maybe it's was just fine. «Maybe it's normal. Maybe it's what I deserve for not letting them copy from my exam paper or reading all the time».

Even though you succeeded academically, you were bored and weary of your life. You needed a change, but were too anxious to wait for one. That's when you started daydreaming all the time. You imagined yourself as a happy girl living adventures alongside their happy friends all over the world. This girl who had gone through tough times as well, but crawled out of the hole you felt trapped in. Without even noticing, you had found an exit door for your pain.

Nowadays, you still daydream excessively, but it's all over. You left that terrible school and, most importantly that toxic state of mind. You woke up everyday, trying to ignore the bullies. Yet, you didn't have the strength to stood up all by yourself. But someone you never expected to give you a hand, said something which turned your life upside down:

what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

After several time closed in your shell, you told you're family how you felt. All this years, you made your mind you were capable of handling the situation by yourself, without being a burden for your parents. That day you learned you were not alone and you could seek for help when you needed it.
You and the majority of you classmates transferred to a brand new Middle School.
I'm sure you must be wondering, what happened to those who made you feel less? Some of them have been successful and some of them are on their way. You don't hate them anymore. You now know they are like you, frantically trying to fit in and filled with uncertainty. The difference is their exit door was humiliating you and other people.
Just in case you wanted to know, I never received any apology from any of them so far. Some of them don't seem to have noticed and others have regret in their eyes.
Not only they've stopped picking on you, in the new school, you've made unforgettable memories;
You've learned and discovered more things you thought you would do in a lifetime. Not only academically but also in self care and self-managing;
❁ your fifth-grade brain would be surprised if I told you vulnerability and tears are not for the weak.
❁ Acceptance and love are more powerful than you think.
❁ Positive attitude is key for success.
❁ Every time you are hard on yourself, you're listening and it builds up.
❁ You can and will make real friends.
❁ Home can be any place.
❁ There's a solution for everything.
❁ Beauty is subjective and exceptionally diverse. It doesn't define who you are.
❁ Happiness is a long-worth journey.
❁ Absolutely ANYTHING is possible.

Yes. Sounds crazy right? Well believe it: you laughed-cried over the silliest things, you've expressed yourself fearlessly, met truly special people and made life-lasting friendships, visit dream-like places that felt like home, got yourself out of what seemed like irreparable situations, found your purpose in life, started to get rid of your insecurities and embracing your appearance, personality, abilities and, of course imperfections.
You've been the happiest you've ever been in your life.
What you dreamed as a sad and insecure little girl has become your reality.

Wow, what a time it has been! Of course you've had your ups and downs but that's how life works.

Next year, I'm attending a different high school, but this time not in the place I grew up in and separated from my life-long classmates, among them the bullies I learned to ignore. If I'm being super honest, I have to say I'm terrified. Sure, my last major change went incredibly well but you never know what life will bring to you. Yet, at the same time I'm exhilarated to pop my comfort bubble and take a step closer to adulthood and learn more about stuff that I love and want to dedicate my life to.
I hope to create more memories, meet people, dream and shape my future, and if any of these fail, I'll remember:

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Loves you no matter what,

Older me <3