A Girl and Her Boys

Chapter 5

I wake up and I look around. You know that feeling of what the hell and discoordination when you first wake up. I had that feeling, forgetting I was away from my dad and back at my childhood home. I didn't realize and remember where I was until I looked at the clock and had a heart attack when I realized it was 7. Thinking I was going to be late getting breakfast ready, but then it came to me that I don't have that life anymore. I'm not the scared and shy little girl that does everything people want her to do now. Today on the first day of my new life, my new school, I'm going to be confident and know what I want. Of course, that's always easier said than done, because I don't even know where everything is in this house yet.

I know Peyton and I are leaving for school at 8, so I have an hour to get ready. That's more than enough time, I can get ready in 20 minutes, be showered, eat breakfast, and have clothes on in an hour should be a piece of cake. I just need to figure out where everything is.

I'm assuming Peyton is still asleep, and I have no clue if his friends stayed over last night. Like seriously do parents do not care about their kids on a school night. And how is my mom fine with 6 boys just staying here like it's their own home? But hopefully someone is up so I can figure out how to start my morning.

I remove my heavy blankets, cold air instantly hitting my legs. That was one of the nicest sleeps I've ever gotten. I don't know how I ever slept with a sheet and floor mattress after last night. I felt warm, and safe under my new covers, two feelings I never felt in the past years. Surrounded by pillow walls that I built before I went to sleep just in case anything ever happened. It's an old habit I have, I could never be too cautious with my dad.

I don't want to be a burden to anyone, but I have now been sitting in my room trying to get myself to move for the past 5 minutes, I need to find someone to help me get ready. I'm guessing people are in the kitchen, more like hoping. I need to find something to do, I've never been very patient and sitting here in my room is driving me insane.

I pick my feet up and slide myself off the bed, my feet colliding with the soft carpet. It's soft and cold, I'd guess that I'm a lot like a carpet. I get stepped on and walked all over, and I'm still soft after, still willing to help and do what people want. But that doesn't mean I'm warm, no I'm cold, I have been cold for awhile now. My emotions are gone, along with a lot of my trust.

I mean you can't blame me. I lived in hell for a good half of my life with my dad, after my mom chose to leave me with him over giving me a good life with her. And then when I was with my dad I wasn't loved; I was used as a maid and worker for him. I didn't have that stupid relationship that all girls dream about with their dads. I had that, and then everything fell the shit and I was treated with no respect. That became my new normal, not being his little princess like I was before.

And then when I thought my life couldn't get any worse my dad shipped me back to my mom so he could pay for his booze and drugs and not even have to look at me. Sure, my mom accepted and took me in with open arms, but that's only after my dad begged her to take me. And she moved on, now I'm here, like a ghost from her past that she can't get rid of.

I didn't even realize I was almost in the kitchen until I almost knocked over a wine cabinet. I had to quickly grab it before everything came crashing down, I guess one good thing that came from my dad is my reflexes, learned the hard way how to be constantly ready without even trying to be ready, or how to adapt and move quickly to escape. Those skills I had to pick up quickly with him.

I look up from stabilizing the cabinet and I see two boys looking at me. Annoying kid who wouldn't stop looking at me all of dinner last night, the kid who told me to stay with them. And one I never talked to, maybe he said a few words here and there, but I didn't pay attention. I don't like to pay attention unless I am directly involved in the conversation. Eavesdropping has gotten me in trouble in the past and id rather not relive those days.