Phantom Pain [BL - SaifahZon] //COMPLETED//

Helpless - Part 1

Saifah was not a person who liked to meddle. In fact, despite his reputation, he was quite a simple guy focused on his interests and trying to avoid unnecessary drama at all cost. And yet, here he was, surrounded by high bookshelves and heavy silence, with his heart in his mouth, unable to step back.

He looked down at the body sitting in the corner. It was easy to tell it was Zon, even if the boy had his head between his knees and covered it with his shivering arms. He wasn't trembling like the last time and his breath was actually deep, just shaky, but he still seemed to be suffering. Did something happen again?

Saifah murmured a curse and looked around. He really should call someone to take care of Zon. But who? There was no one in this part of the library and even if Zon's friend were somewhere near, he wasn't sure if they were a good choice. For what he knew, probably not. Not for this matter, at least. He looked around again. Retreat would be awkward, but casually taking the book he needed and going back as if he saw nothing would be an even worse move.

And heartless.

With a heavy sigh, he sat next to Zon. But the second he touched the floor, he found himself tongue-tied. He wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't even sure if his decision to stay was right. It wasn't his business. They weren't even close. Why the hell didn't he just call Tutor?

While he was cursing himself, Zonrose his head slightly, and looked at him. Saifah could tell he was tired. God knows how long he had been sitting here. His eyes were red and there was a lack of the fierceness that shined so brightly every time they met. Saifah rubbed his face in hopelessness.

"You really should talk with someone," he said softly. "I really don't know what's going on and I couldn't care less, but it's the second time I'm seeing you like this. I really think you shouldn't hide like that." He couldn't count how many times he said 'really'. He licked his lips and continued: "I mean, it's not good for your health. If you don't feel like talking with your friends or... or parents, then– well, I know we're not close, but if... if you want, you can talk to me."

For a few heartbeats there was only silence between them. Saifah closed his eyes and cursed himself in his mind. He really should've fled when he still had the occasion. Now it was too late. And when he already thought there wouldn't be any answer, Zon asked quietly, his voice hoarse:

"Why are you so nice to me?" This question took Saifah aback. "You always mock me. Why not now?"

"Bad timing, I guess." Saifah couldn't think of any other reason. A wry smile appeared on his face. If only Zon knew he wasn't the type of person who likes to tease people! Yes, he liked to make fun of Zon, but only because of his reactions. There was no point in doing it now, when all he could get was a wrinkle between the shorter guy's eyes.

Another moment of silence rose between them. He took a glance at Zon, now biting his lip and fighting with his thoughts. He surely looked different from what Saifah usually saw. He looked devastated. What had happened to that boy? Some part of him desperately wanted to know, but he held himself back from asking questions.

He was ready to get up and leave Zon alone, when another question popped up.

"Have you ever..." Zon cleared his throat. Every word was a challenge for him. "Have you ever had a very realistic dream?"

Dream? What is he talking about? Saifah frowned. That wasn't anything he expected. But Zon looked serious. His eyes were wide, lips pursed and he was waiting for Saifah's answer as if his life depended on it.

"Something like a lucid dream?"

Zon shook his head. "Not really. More like when you wake up and you're not sure what's real anymore. Like when you actually–" his voice broke. "When all you can do is think about the dream and want to live it again and again, because the feelings became real..."

Saifah was flustered. Nothing he could say seemed good enough. He scratched his neck and looked at Zon.

"What was this dream about?"

Their eyes met. Just from this exchange, Saifah could tell how deep Zon's pain was. And it was so intense, he had to turn his gaze away. Insane. He looked down at his hands. Two big hands that couldn't do anything. He clenched them and gritted his teeth in silent despair.

He felt helpless and this helplessness was bugging him like never before.

"Shouldn't you be with your girlfriend?" asked Zon suddenly, a false note in his voice.

Saifah blinked rapidly. What? Who? It took him several seconds. When he came to himself, he took his phone out and quickly tapped his fingers across the screen.
"It's okay." He smiled vaguely. "Unless you don't want to talk anymore. Because that's fine, too."

Zon took a deep breath. "No. Please, stay."