My Brother is my Destiny, Inuyasha x Sesshomaru

Chapter 6

Sesshomaru exited his chambers exhausted after a sleepless night. He was unable to rest after last night's events. He spent all night playing them over and over in his mind. He felt more conflicted and confused than ever. He couldn't deny how well he and Inuyasha worked together fighting the demon bats. Without speaking, they knew each other's next move, as if they had been fighting side by side for years. Sesshomaru couldn't remember the last time he had enjoyed himself so much in battle. Could the soul tie really be that strong? Was it changing him? Were these thoughts and feelings towards Inuyasha simply a manipulation of his soul by Himari's magic or was it genuine? He struggled to trust himself.

He remembered how he got caught up in the heat of the moment. How he lost himself in Inuyasha's flow. He had given in to Inuyasha's advances and buckled under his commands. If not for Shippo, he would likely be mated to Inuyasha, bound to him for life.

Could Inuyasha really want that? He had been so cruel to his younger brother for so long, he had no right to Inuyasha's affection. While he knew from Inuyasha's talk with Koga that his desire to work with him was genuine, could they really break down the walls Sesshomaru had spent years building between them? Furthermore, even if they could, how could he be an Omega, an inferior to Inuyasha, the rest of his life? He flinched at the thought.

Sesshomaru's pride was all he had now. There had been a time where he had Rin in his life, and his heart was open to kindness and caring for another. She taught him the love a father feels for a daughter, and for a time he did change. Sadly, when she died in middle age, his heart grieved her so severely he swore to close that part of himself forever. After her loss, there were times he even resented Rin for changing him to where he could feel such pain and loss. Love makes you fragile, he decided. He couldn't afford weakness, so he reverted to who he was before Rin.

He had his pride and position and resolved that would be enough for him. Friendship and romantic love was something he knew little of. What he knew was how to lead. He had pride, he had the respect of his people, and he had the fear of his enemies. Joining himself to Inuyasha would strip him of what he had left. Nevertheless, a part of him couldn't help but be drawn to him. Sesshomaru was so conflicted, did his heart really want this? It was as if fate was mocking him, and everything he spent his life believing in.

He hadn't even realized how far he had been meandering around the castle as he contemplated everything. That's when he heard Koga's smug and irritated tone, "Well, look who it is. Even with everything, you're still half-assing your feelings, huh?"

Sesshomaru glared up at Koga who was staring down at him from the top of the staircase. Sesshomaru's expression changed however, when he noticed something behind the smugness in Koga's face. His eyes looked genuinely disappointed.

"What business of yours is any of this anyway? Why do you even care?"

"Because I was just like you!" Koga said with so much conviction Sesshomaru didn't have a retort. "I got in my own way thinking I knew what I wanted, what I needed, and I almost lost out on the love of my life." Koga's face twitched with pain. "Ayame wasn't my first choice, and I did everything to push her away. If she hadn't been so stubborn, I don't know where I would be today." Koga grit his teeth trying to keep it together. "When she was murdered, I lost the best part of me. I would give anything for one more day with her. I think sometimes that if I hadn't been such an idiot and gotten out of my own way, we could have had more days together. I'll spend the rest of my life regretting the time I wasted, but you don't have to make the same mistake I did." Koga's sincerity hit Sesshomaru more than he expected.

"I'm sorry for your loss, but your and Ayame's situation isn't as complicated as Inuyasha's and mine. It's not as simple as you would make it. There is so much history...so many walls..." Sesshomaru stopped, caught in his own thoughts and fears. Those fears began to spill out despite himself. "Our bond is a manipulation of magic. What's real between us is strife and resentment. You heard him at the hot spring. I hurt him, and what he really wants is to finally prove that he is better than me. He would gain satisfaction from having me know that I am his lesser for the rest of my eternity!" Sesshomaru couldn't believe how painful it was to say it out loud. Worse was that it was all his fault, but there was no changing the past.