cold feet → h.s

vi.

my mother's knocking woke me up, i heard her faint voice say that it's time for dinner then her footsteps sounded as it went down the stairs.

i sit up and went to look for my phone, which i forgot the moment i stepped inside my room.

i found it inside the pocket of my school clothes that i took off when i got home. i turn the screen on and i can see 3 messages from harry.

harry, 6:22 p.m. : why did the mushroom go to the party?

harry, 6:23 p.m. : because he was a fungi :D

harry, 6:26 p.m. : are you a fungi too? i sure hope so, 'cause there's a party next weekend.

as i read the last message, i check to see what time he sent it to me. it was just a few minutes ago, i quickly typed a reply which is perfect for my thoughts right now.

me, 6:33 p.m. : i'm sorry, what?

as if he wasn't the most confusing person ever, he confuses me even more every time i talk to him.

harry, 6:36 p.m. : there's this party that my friends are throwing next weekend. i figured i should invite you.

i don't get this guy at all. i have been avoiding his invitation for us to hang outside of school for a couple of days and now he thinks i'd want to go to a party? he really makes my head hurt.

me, 6:37 p.m. : uhm, first of all.. why would i go? second, that joke is so 2010 harry.

i quickly sent the reply, placed the phone in the pocket of my sweatpants and went downstairs, not wanting my mom to get even more mad.

i feel the vibration of my phone on my thigh as i went to take a seat.

i look up at my mom to find her staring me down. she shakes her head and quickly glances at the food on the table. "you should eat, don't keep the food waiting bella." she says sternly.

i just nodded my head, put some food on my plate and ate quietly. i can feel my mother's eyes looking at me and i sighed.

"mom, i know you're worried about me but i'm not doing what you think i am," i say, quickly realizing that being too vague about the issue is not the way to go as my mom's eyes widened.

"what are you talking about, bella? are you messing around with boys?" she nearly exclaims at me, i shake my head as i hear her words.

"that is exactly what i'm talking about mom! i am not messing around with anyone, i can have friends who are boys!" i try not to raise my voice as i explained because i know it will only anger her more.

what surprises me was the vindictive laugh that comes out of her lips.

"friends? bella, boys don't make friends with girls. they say that and then end up fooling around, next thing you know you've been broken and hurt by a friend," she snickers.

i shake my head at her, she clearly has her own way of thinking. i know she's worried about me but these kinds of thoughts are nonsensical. just because i'm friends with guys, doesn't mean i'm fooling around with them. i keep eating while i get lost in thought.

this has happened before we moved here. i had to keep my hangouts with my group of friends a secret because there were guys. she found out and grounded me for two whole months. if it weren't for my friends back in america, i would be thinking just like her. just thinking about it makes me shudder.

"mom, you clearly don't understand what i'm saying. you're worried about me, i get that but that doesn't mean you're always right. i'm 18 now and i know how to think for myself. why can't you trust me when i've always done what you've asked me to? we moved here to start a new life mom, maybe i'm not the only one who needs to change," i sighed as i finished talking. i feel tired from this argument and it wasn't even that long. i get up from the table, losing my appetite i left my plate and headed up to my room, i glanced at the dining table before going upstairs only to find my mom looking down as if in thought.

as soon as i get to my room, i lock the door and plop onto my bed. i feel my phone vibrate in my pocket as if on cue. i checked it only to see that harry texted me again.

harry, 6:42 p.m. : first of all, because it would be fun and you can make new friends there. second, heyyy my joke was funny. admit it. :)

harry 7:20 p.m. : uhm hey, so? are you in?

i shake my head as i read his first message, his joke sucked but his reply made me smile a little. i contemplated on what i should say to him. i know going to a party sounds fun, especially because i'm new here and it's one way to meet new people but i know my mom won't let me. we just moved here and we promised to start fresh. i've been to a few parties back home before we moved, my mom never found out about it though. she only knew about our group hangouts but other than that, nothing more.

going to a party now would not only wreck my mom and i's promise of starting anew, it would also be out of character for me to make friends at a party. i know i said i went to a few of them back home, but it was just because of my friends. parties aren't exactly my scene. going to this one isn't really worth that much work.

i glance back to my phone, i've thought about it and-

isabella: well, thanks for the invite harry. i have to apologize though because i don't think i'd go.

isabella: and i won't admit to anything because your joke sucked. :p

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another one, then i'll disappear for another 2 years. jk. x