Looking at You

17

Lesson not understand.

Three days before the holiday was coming to an end, I was back in Pune but didn't join my job again. Not re-joining had nothing to do with disappointment or sadness. One might think that it could have affected my professional life because he was my boss at the end of the day. But didn't.

Maybe I have cried more because I stubbed your toe than I have cried over my broken heart. A single drop of tear, and that was enough.

What was frustrating, I couldn't even get annoyed about the situation or him.

Date of first Friday in November 2019, my holidays were officially over. I walked inside my office building and was wearing a below-knee length yellow summer dress cinched about the waist with small red, blue flowers, and green leaves pattern.

"Sankalp is going to wear something in blue and yellow!" the evil voice announced within my head.

"Shut up!" My sane mind and I said in unison.

Ten minutes later, switching on my computer monitor, as entered the password, I heard the pushed, the door opened. Sankalp walked inside and held the door open for Pankaj, an associate manager, and his then good friend to follow. Pankaj placed his id card in the slot reader and walked inside.

And I swallowed hard, a bitter taste of bile swimming in my mouth, and burning my nostrils because Sankalp was untraditionally wearing a yellow and blue striped polo t-shirt.

It wasn't the last time I was predicting. In fact, soon, it became a regular thing.

"Sankalp will be wearing his pink shirt, pastel and pale one!" I casually mentioned that to Sara.

She gave me a questioning look and asked, "So?"

"Nothing!"

"Did you see him outside?" She probed further and asked me.

"No! I am guessing."

Duh! I was right. Sara gave me a weird look, but then we both laughed at it together. I frankly thought. I was pretty damn good at it because, most of the time, I was correct.

If I thought he needed a haircut and trimming of his beard, the next morning, he would show up with shorter hair and trimmed beard.

And my intuition about Sankalp developed very rapidly and very accurately.

I didn't need to see him to know where he was. I always knew someway, somehow. And I could always feel a rush of fresh air washing over me, every time he passed by me.

Co-workers who I had built up a friendly relationship with me would also sometimes call him Hawa (a Hindi term for air).

I would dimmer the screen light, as his reflection on my monitor was more than enough to make me happy. I know he could see that I occasionally glanced at him from the corner of my eyes.

Then I began having frequent nightmares and getting up in the middle of the night. I must admit, they weren't even scary to call them a nightmare. In my dreams, I was running down a dark, wide, empty street of my gated community, with a frantic effort of finding someone, and every time Sankalp would be standing at the end of some lane waiting for me. And as I reached up to touch him, he would vanish into thin air.

This was the result of my feelings that I thought he was 'The One' for me.

Other people might not understand, but I was sure he does.

How nice it feels to extended hand for a handshake and finding another left-hand just like it supposed to be.

My fascination with tea, earl grey, Darjeeling, Yorkshire, masala chai, green tea, English breakfast lemon, and camomile. I was sure he loves simple milk, water, and sugar tea, but he still a tea lover like me.

How to have audible as the most used app on your phone.

What it feels to be stuck with a retainer forever.

And a sudden glow up at late 21.

He was a fire; I need to extinguish. He had the gravity that was pulling me in.

So, the conclusion is, I was just an idiot who didn't learn her lesson yet. And I believed that people who didn't like 'paper ring' by Taylor Swift... they have double-standard.