Road Trip with Vampires: one star, would not recommend.

The Price of Tea

It was boring. Nix found herself constantly wishing for her trombone back. At least, she could hide in inaccessible places and play it at top volume to annoy everybody else, Esther especially.

She didn't know what Esther had against her, but that favour was returned pretty quickly. The two of them constantly found themselves re-enacting passive-aggressive confrontations from Jane Austen novels. Which didn't usually go well, because both of them had the combined literary skills of an enraged possum.

It was now common for the other three occupants of the residence to be minding their own business, finger-painting with headphones in, or brooding, just to hear 'Your mother wishes she'd taken birth control' shouted from the basements, and 'I put jelly beans in your tea' shouted back from the top floor. Ilya started a Lame Insults Jar in the living room, placing a small chunk of chocolate in it every time Nix yelled at Esther for frying her last clean pair of socks for an experiment.

'And when it's full,' he said viciously, 'Into their tea it goes. Melted, and stirred in.'

Tethis and Zhenya, trying to destroy each other in UNO, shivered.

If not for the knowledge of her impending death, Tethis thought, as she placed a +4 card on top of the pile, this kind of life would be relaxing. Sure, they would be handed in to authorities later, but they would cross that bridge when they came to it.

Besides, Zhenya was pretty nice. He had been deaf since the nineteen-forties, he explained during one of their sessions, making her pick up two more cards. The hearing aids he got just five years ago.

'Not even by legal means,' he added cheerfully, tossing another card onto the discard pile. Tethis grudgingly picked up two more cards. 'But it was worth the year in prison. I can hear my companions' voices. And my own.' He shivered. 'I don't remember it being so high. Anyway,' he placed the second-to-last card down, 'UNO.'

Tethis chose this moment to deploy her secret weapon. Zhenya, smiling grimly, picked up four cards. 'You're vicious, you know that?'

'Aye.'

A scuffling from upstairs, and the smell of burning clothing. Somebody screamed. Ilya, curled up on the couch, tossed another Hershey's kiss into his jar.

'But Ilya,' said Tethis, reshuffling her cards, 'That wasn't even a lame insult.'

Ilya raised his eyes to meet hers and made several quick motions with his hands.

'You can't do what you want, dear,' said Zhenya. 'This is a democracy.'

Ilya scowled and shrunk back into his nest of blankets. 

Nix entered the room, her jacket singed, Esther following with her hands in another jug.

'So you see,' Nix began.

Ilya tossed another chocolate into the jar. Nix recoiled, bumping into Esther, who smacked her over the head with the jug.

Ilya put in another chocolate and held up three fingers. He made another quick movement with his hands.

Nix took a step forward. 'No, it's important. We're out of tea.'

Ilya paused, hand suspended over the jar. Esther nodded at him. 'You know what this means.'

Zhenya stood up, cards completely abandoned. Tethis took advantage of the situation to look at them. He has no yellow cards. Hah.

'Ladies, gentlemen, it seems like we have approached a huge crisis,' said Zhenya, beginning to pace. 'We are out of the life-giving fluid.'

Ilya stood up, letting the blankets fall off him like a snail crawling out of its shell. Tethis continued trying to memorize Zhenya's cards. A two, a five, and a reverse card. All red.