Why do my parents have to be
Mean
Why do they have to be
Violent
I feel as I've only just learned
Noticed
Feeling
What other people feel when
They're told that they're dumb
They're stupid
Shut up
They're frustrating
They cry too easily
They do nothing
I think I've just been numb
And to be real,
I don't know if I still am
I don't know if I'm finished
If I've moved on to be something different
Because as much as I hope and think I have
I remember the failed attempts
I remember the sparks of hope
That fell on their face and
Died
I remember what it felt like
When I settled back into the numb
A short period of denial
Before I forgot.
Before I forgot what it even felt like to hope
I remember
Looking into faces
My parents' faces
And wondering what to do
But wait
I remember remembering
When I would get mad
At nothing, I would get mad at
At stupid little things
And I remember thinking about
Trying to come up with a way to get better about it
To fix it
Then I remember getting tired
And falling asleep
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting
All I'd do was wait
Wait for something
But then when something came
Waiting
That's what it was
That's what it was to be numb
Waiting
Waiting.
