Why do I have to think about college
Why do I have to think
About the future
Why do I have to settle down
Into something less terrible than my past ways
Then why do I have to
Move on.
Why do I have to question myself in my writing
I already know why
I'm slow
In me, there is something controlling me
Something that's slow
Slower than what it should be
Slower than I'd like it be
I've thought about many things
But a lot of the time when I've thought of something
I didn't know what was there
What
Who
I was talking to in my mind
But I think I now know
I'd think about
Other people
What they feel
And felt
Then I'd try to understand it
The curvature
The unique anatomy
The feelings
And
I couldn't
I couldn't really see it
I couldn't understand
And I felt
Useless
And empty
So then
Even with something inside of me
Something telling me to try
Try again
I decided
Not
To feel
And I didn't know it
I didn't even know it
So I just
Kept
Going
Feeling
And not feeling
All in the same
Until something
Deep inside of me
Caved
And all I could do was think
Think about how
People were mad
People were sad
And I didn't know what to do
But stare.
And now
That I think
And I feel
That it's over
I know
Of something deep inside of me
I feel
A heart
That beats
It beats something
Something more than nothing
It beats words
And sentences
And feelings
And meaning
It beats
It's real
It's alive
It's there
And I think
That to think
Is something for a mind
For a brain
For a logic
For a reason
For a why
With without a heart
Is to question
And never
To find
So as of now
I'm better
I'm slow
A bit stiff
But better
So what's up with college
