And I used to think you were the only sane person in our house
I used to think that you were mad because I didn't listen
But I realized
That I did
That I always listened when you wanted me to
No matter how much I did or didn't want to
But
When I became able and willing to understand
I realized it was because I never did anything about what I was hearing
Unless I wanted to
And I realized that that was pretty sh tty of me
So then
I decided
I wanted to
Change
And
I started to do.
Doing my chores when you told me to
(Even if at first I was too ashamed to admit that I would do them)
Doing the research and work for the things you scheduled for me
(Even when I was still stuck up over the fact that I didn't choose to do it)
Doing my best to fall asleep at the times you wanted me to
(Even when my sleep schedule was so screwed that it seemed I'd never known how to fall to sleep in the first place)
And maybe you just needed more time until you realized it
Or maybe I'm still not doing it completely right
But I know I'm being better
Because it feels like she notices it
That she appreciates it
That she even feels happier because of it
And let me tell you,
That's
Something
Different
And you might say that you've noticed it too
That you came back home and saw me vacuuming the floor
Even acknowledging it,
Making a joke as to being surprised
But that's the thing, you joked
And honestly, I bet you only think that it's not too long before it stops happening
Before I stop caring about whether the dishes are clean or my classwork done
But I want to let you know,
Scream at me
Push me
Hate me for crying (trust me I hate that I cry too)
Call them
And send me away
Because I don't f cking care,
I won't stop doing
Doing for my brothers
My friends
My mother
And f ck
Even you (whether you deserve it or not)
Because I know it makes a difference
And I know that
(For now)
You're too blind to see it.
