Mental health. I've navigated the ups and downs for the majority of my life. Even as a little kid I had anxious thoughts, that I didn't realize were bad. 7th grade, I start self harming. I carved the word 'Love' into my ankle for a girl I had a crush on. My parents were freaked out, to say the least. I realize I feel calmer afterword. I get hooked. I break razors, steal staples, pry out nails, you name it. It escalates in 8th grade. My parents decide to send me to a residential treatment center for self harm, depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder. Roger's Memorial Hospital, Oconomowoc campus. This is past rez packer. Not for the football team. I felt so much better for about a year. August of my sophomore year. I feel suicidal. I tried so hard to use all the coping skills they gave me but it was falling apart. I was placed in an inpatient facility for mental health. Psych ward. My anorexia had gotten so bad I couldn't eat a bite of hamburger. It was the hamburger or a feeding tube. It was the first and hardest decision I made there. I was the only kid allowed to eat ice cream not during evening snack, but I was so anxious I threw up thinking about the judgement I would face. I left. 3 months pass. I'm suicidal and come back. 3 months pass. I'm back. Never ending cycle. I've been in for anorexia, crying at 95lbs. Self harm, over 300 cuts open at once. Suicidal, I'm a big fan of bridges. Sarcasm. And the big banger that nobody expects? I'm psychotic. Let me tell you what it's like. Next chapter.
YOU ARE READING
Diary of a Psychotic
Non-FictionThis is my journal, for therapeutic reasons. Read for insight, willpower, or whatever you need.
