It Still Hurts (Jalex)

11

To say I was shaking was an understatement. I was fucking rattling. His house was right in front of me and I had rehearsed my speech at least ten times, but I couldn't help to feel like I was going to mess everything up. Or maybe he doesn't feel the same way I do about him, causing me to look like an idiot.

I know I'm overthinking and that it'd be much easier just to push my self in front of his door and make myself knock. I just couldn't.

But I had to.

So, I walked to his door and knocked. Chewing on my lip harder when I heard footsteps nearing towards the door. Jack's mom, Joyce, opened the door. A big smile on her face and an apron around her waist (a/n holy fucking shit that rhymed good for me).

"Is uh, Jack h-here?" I pushed out. She quickly nodded and pointed up the stairs. Knowing him, he would be in his room on some website waisting time. As I opened his door, I was proven right- seeing as Tumblr was open.

"Heeyy." I drug out, finding a way to start off this speech.

"What's up? Why did you come over?" He asked, turning away from his laptop.

"I want to talk about something." My voice shook in all of the wrong places. I felt my fingernails dig into my palm, due to me being so nervous at the moment. I just can't believe that I'm finally going to speak up. God, this could go wrong in so many ways.

"What is it?" He rose one bushy eyebrow at me.

I took a deep breath, finding my perfect speech in my head. "I can't stop thinking about our relationship, Jack Barakat. It's so fucking hard. I get into this state and all I can think about it you. You and me, to be exact. You hurt me, but I am willing to put that aside just so I can have you again. I promise to make you happy. I don't even care about me. This time it can be all about you. Please." My hands were behind my back, twirling as Jack looked at me with an indecisive face.

"I hurt you?" He asked.

"Well yeah. When you break up with someone and push them away... It kind of hurts" I was trying my best to not freak out or get angry at his blindness to the pain he had caused me. Jack bit his lip, making me nervous.

"Maybe you should have thought about me. I pushed you away and broke up with you so you wouldn't get hurt. Obviously you didn't think about that." Now this conversation was turning into a slight argument considering how he started to scrunch up his face. It's sad how I know all of the signs of him starting to get angry.

"Then you go and find someone else? It was kind of hard to look at in that perspective." I spat. Jack was out of his computer chair by now, getting closer as the conversation got more heated.

"I found someone else to make me forget about you. It didn't help much, considering I saw you everyday." He admitted.

"If you had such a hard time forgetting about me, why didn't you just come back!? I missed you so much and all I could think about was why you left me. You made me cry so many times!" Jack breathed heavily, the sounds of his breaths very apparent in the silence of his room.

"You sure as hell didn't make any attempts to talk to me! If you were in sooo much pain, why didn't you fucking talk to me!!?" Our voices were raising by the second and I lost all of the care in me. His mom was downstairs and I hope she heard all of it. She needs to know how big of a douche her son is anyway.

"Because you didn't even look in my direction. I doubt if I talked to you you would've even looked my way!" I said. Jack scoffed.

"Oh yeah? Because I would look at you being so unhappy and almost break down! You think I liked seeing you tear yourself apart?! I just wanted you to be happy." This time, I scoffed.

"It seemed like you were too busy getting harassed by your douche dick of an ex boyfriend to ca-"

I was interrupted by a sharp sting in my cheek.

Jack had hit me and his hand was raised to get another one in. I cowered down, putting my hands in front of me so he wouldn't hit me again. A small tear left my eye as the burning in my cheek continued.

"Alex I'm so sor-."

"Save it. You're just like you're dad and ex boyfriend. I bet that hurts." I interrupted, turning around and leaving.

"Alex wait!!!" He yelled behind me as I made my way to the door.

"Go fuck yourself, Barakat!!" I yelled back. His mom was still cooking, a surprised look on her face. She probably heard the whole arguement.

Good