Rabbit Blood

Chapter 17 - Greasing The Wheels

Blitzo and Loona rocked into the office a tad later than usual on Wednesday, and his other employees had been cleared to do the same. It wasn't easy, judging a talent show one day and maintaining a business the next. He himself had a headache, which he attributed to the cacophony of boos from the contestants. What was the big deal? Blitzo gave the best performance, there was no helping that! He'd have voted for himself even if he wasn't himself.

I.M.P. got a major plug though, and that was the main thing.

Loona went immediately to Reception, crushed Tylenol into her energy drink and chugged it. Half an hour later, Moxxie and Millie showed up. "Look who's finally here!" Blitzo said, pretending to throw his desk toy at Mox's head, and laughing when he ducked.

"Sir, you told us-"

"I know, I'm just bullshitting. Saw the new rims on the car, by the way. Nice job. Ha! Nice rimjob."

Moxxie gave him the stink eye and stormed to his desk. Millie followed her husband as Loona checked the answering machine messages.

"So?" Blitzo inquired, drumming his desk. "Did all our promotions pay off? Are we inundated with calls from condemned suckers?"

"Fucking gimme a minute, will you? I can't..."

"Take your time, Loonie." She was just his special little girl, yes she was! Swiveling in his chair to face Millie, Blitzo asked her, "When are you guys having a baby?"

"Excuse me, sir?"

"Well, c'mon, you must want your family to grow! I know I do."

"The family you want to grow isn't supposed to be our family," Moxxie said through his hands.

"I think it's sweet," Millie said in that musical twang of hers.

Blitzo nodded. "See? I'd be a great uncle, I'll bet."

"Can you focus on being involved with your own relatives?" said Moxxie, and he gestured to Loona as she flopped against her desk. "Then maybe things would run smoothly around here."

Blitzo had to admit, that hurt. First, it implied that he'd made Loona a screw-up somehow, which he hadn't, because she wasn't. Second, he was sad to feel excluded. He had enough love for everyone, big or small. If the Grinch's heart had grown three sizes from the beginning of his book, then Blitzo's heart put that to shame by consistently having been... at least... five sizes larger than average! He didn't know where this train of thought was going, but he wrote 'Grinch<Me' on a post-it note, as a reminder to polish this into a snappy saying.

Loona dragged her head up. "One call from Desdemona. She still wants the rent."

"Uh-huh. Anything else?"

"Yeah, someone asked for a callback this morning. Sounded like a new voice. Hard to tell, the line was bad."

Blitzo leapt into the air and pumped his fist. "Business is booming, my friends!"

"Sir, one customer is not enough to save the company."

But Blitzo paid him no heed. He danced back into his office and asked Loona to put him through to the new guy. "Howdilly-doodily, customerino! What can I do ya for?"

There was a pause from the other end. "First of all," he said, and the call quality was atrocious, "you can conduct yourself with a little dignity."

"Hey, it's a Simpsons reference. No need to get your panties in a twist... uh, sir. How can we help you, anyway?"

He was an odd one, this guy - didn't even want anyone killed yet! Instead, there were a few characters from the living world he wanted information on. Blitzo tried to explain that the company was more about mercenary killings than espionage, but that answering-phone message from Desdemona came to mind, and he played along. He wrote down the names of the targets on a fresh post-it, sticking the other one on his desktop computer.