Valentine's Arrow

16: Love Offers No Refuge

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

REBECCA

With a heavy heart, Rebecca shucked off her gear and watched Sebastian do the same. Her mind was full of thoughts of Mark. Seeing him had been such a severe shock that she had almost let her facade slip in front of Sebastian. And the hurt and shock on his face as he'd looked at her... Rebecca squeezed her eyes shut. To stand by and watch while Sebastian had turned those Shadowhunters had been the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. And it wasn't by choice – she could still feel that unknown force that had held her, keeping her frozen. It had taken every ounce of her willpower to break through it to save Mark from meeting the same fate as the others.

Sebastian's voice cut through her thoughts like a knife. "How did you know that Blackthorn boy was the son of Lady Nerissa?"

Rebecca opened her eyes and tried to look unruffled. "Because he told me," she said, in a tone that she hoped made it clear that she didn't want to talk about it. Sebastian did not press her further, but the look in his eyes made it clear exactly how he felt about Mark.

"Let's get out of here," Rebecca said lightly, trying to change the subject. "The weather is so beautiful. What do you say?" She knew he could never say no to her.

And that was how they found themselves walking down the Santa Monica Pier. The evening was cool, and the moon shone like silver. Water lapped gently against the sides of the pier in soft, rhythmic waves.

"Ooh, look." Sebastian pointed. "Santa Monica Pier Aquarium." He turned and raised his eyebrows at Rebecca. "We simply have to go there," he said, and dragged her inside, despite her protests.

Inside, it was much quieter, and nearly empty, since the aquarium was only a few minutes from closing. The few people that were inside looked like pale blue ghosts in the light cast by the huge aquariums.

"Sarcastic fringehead." Sebastian laughed, pointing at the tank to his left. The so-called fish eyed him beadily through the glass. It was quite ugly, with an oblong body and serrated fins.

"A small but very hardy fish with a large mouth and aggressive territorial behavior," Rebecca read off the display plaque. "Sounds like someone I know." She shot Sebastian a knowing look.

"I'll take that as a compliment." He inclined his head mockingly. "I'm sure we'll find one for you too, don't worry."

"No thank you."

"Humuhumunukunukuāpuaʻa."

"Bless you."

"No, look, that's your fish!" It was a small, but somewhat interesting-looking fish, with silver lines running across its body. As they stared at it, it shot off to the other side of the tank.

"The Hawaiian name means 'triggerfish with a snout like a pig'," Sebastian read, and then patted the tip of Rebecca's nose. "Humuhumunukunukuāpuaʻa must be your spirit animal."

"Stop it!" Laughing, she pulled his hand away. "I can't even say the name."

How was it that Sebastian could so seamlessly slide into this persona of Jonathan Cristopher Morgenstern, who seemed untouched by the demon blood? In the blink of an eye, he could change, and somehow shrug off all of the death and destruction he left behind him.

But was Rebecca herself any better? Just a few hours ago, she had witnessed a father nearly torture his own son, and she had allowed – no, facilitated it. She was no better than he was.

She didn't like to think about it, but she couldn't help but admit that she was... different. Stronger, faster, deadlier... but not herself. She would find herself somewhere and not know how she got there, or she would wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, her fists clutching the bed sheet. She was sure that it was a side effect of... the procedure Sebastian had used, but she couldn't bear to talk about it with him, either. She didn't want any reminder of what had happened; all she knew for sure was that she was no longer Rebecca Lightwood.