Rehearsal

Part XIV

Brett couldn't concentrate on his playing. He had tried to play some easier pieces but failed even that. It was frustrating how slow and clumsy his hands had got. Even the scales seemed off. And his left fingers hurt from putting pressure on the strings. "Screw that!" said Brett angrily to himself. He untightened his bow and placed it together with his violin in his box. He had tried to calm his nerves by playing on his violin but now he was even more upset.

After a week of begging, Eddy finally wanted to tell him what really happened on that day in the rehearsal hall. He knew that it was hard for his best friend to talk about it, but his own insecurity about what had happened was driving him crazy. He had to know. 14:46. Another 15 minutes until Eddy wanted to be here.

He walked over to the kitchen where he had placed the two bubble teas for them. Maybe Eddy wanted a few snacks as well? He wasn't sure. He just wanted to make the conversation as comfortable as possible for his friend. He took a deep breath. He wasn't just nervous but also excited. Finally, he would know. Maybe the talk with Eddy would bring some memories back. Brett looked at his watch: 14:47.

Eddy sat in his car driving to Brett. He had promised Brett to talk with him about the day. But really didn't want to. Maybe Brett had forgotten about his promise.
So when arrived he forced himself to smile and pretended that it was just a normal meet up with his best friend.

But as Brett opened the door he immediately knew playing dumb wasn't an option. Brett greeted him nervously. "Hey, come in. I brought some bubble tea. I am sure you want some, right? I also have some fruits or snack if you want? Why don't we sit down and..." - "Brett, calm down. " they stared at each other.

"I know why you are nervous. I know what I promised, but to be honest I still don't want to talk about it." He saw the frustration on his best friends face. "No. Please tell me. I want to know!" - "Do you?" Eddys voice became louder. "Do you really? I am not so sure about that. Because look at me. I know what happened and I am a wreck. I don't eat or sleep. The memories are haunting me every moment of my life. I see the dead conductor in my dreams. I hear his voice asking me why he is dead. My head feels like it's gonna explode. I have panic attacks and flashbacks randomly on the street. I can't play the violin anymore without crying and breaking down. When I close my eyes I see you playing the piece you wanted at your funeral. I see you lying on the floor covered with blood, dying. You died. You died in my arms, Brett! They had to perform CPR on you!" Tears were streaming down his face. Brett didn't dare to interrupt. "You really want that? I am not sure you can handle it or do you think you are stronger than me? Do you think I am weak? That this was just a bad day and I am overexaggerating? Just be glad that you don't know. That you just have to deal with your memory loss. I wish I had your problems. Just trust me that you don't want to know!"

Brett had not seen Eddy this angry in a long time. They never really fight. This was maybe the worst argument they ever had. Eddy had balled his fists. He had nearly screamed and not was breathing heavily. But Brett could feel his anger come up as well. He tried to talk calmly but it didn't really work out. "I don't think you are weak and I know that this is not easy for you but I am an adult. You don't have to protect me. You shouldn't be in charge of what I know and what I don't know from this day." The pause that followed was nearly unbearable for both of them. For a while, they just stood there looking at each other. Until Eddy wiped away his tears, grabbed the bubble tea without a word and sat down in the living room.

Brett followed him. In his moment he didn't know what to expect or what eddy was thinking. Was he preparing himself to talk about it now? Was the ice broken? Was he gonna stay silent? Should he say something?
"Brett,..." began Eddy slowly in a soft voice. "The day you woke up... just hours before I tried to commit suicide. Because I just couldn't handle it anymore. I thought that I would never speak to you again and I couldn't stand the thought of being alone in this world." Brett swallowed. He didn't know what to respond. "But now that I have you back in my life we are just arguing about that one topic. I don't want to see you in the pain that I feel. So why are you making me do this?" - "I have to know to get over this. We survived that day together so we will deal with all that follows from it together as well. Please tell me!" Eddy nodded. He took a deep breath and began. "We were in the middle of the rehearsal ...