How would you feel? (if I told you I loved you) ((english version))

Scars we carry

And Chris had kept his promise, about not being a stranger. He had texted her the morning after their second date, asking her if she had sleep well and about her shift this day. She had texted back, angry about her coworkers and what her superior was asking of her today. She had rambled about how interns are not taken seriously and how it seems normal to give them all the crappy work. She was so passionate in what she was saying and he found himself starring a the phone, a dumb smile stretching his lips. Yeah, she is definitely something else. And at night, when he closed his eyes, their almost kiss invaded his mind, letting him dream that maybe, just maybe, he had had the courage to kiss her... Now, a week later, they keep talking through the phone, Chris even daring facetiming her, because he's old, but he's not that old. They hadn't had the chance to go on a third date, between her work at the hospital and her classes at college, it was very hard to find time for themselves. And he understands that her study is something very important to her, so he's not pushing. Plus, he sees how exhausted she is after shifts or classes, and he can perfectly manage only seeing her on a screen. He isn't that needy. And even if today is her day off, he still hasn't ask her to come over because she deserves all the rest she can have. But he hasn't planned on cutting his arm that deep as he did some home improvements. Shit, that hurts bad. He presses a little more the towel he had retrieved on the gash, spilling blood everywhere around him. Dodger is barking loudly in the space of his garage and he knows he needs to do something. Going to the hospital isn't a option, that is to risky. He doesn't need to make headlines tomorrow morning, and going to a hospital as a public persona can be very problematic... He already thinks about what the reporters can use... "Chris Evans spotted at a hospital, overdose or pregnant girlfriend?", yeah he can really see it... Scott and his ma aren't options too, they'll just freak out and drag him bodily to the Massachusetts General... So, his last option is to disturb the day off of his favorite girl. Sighing, he reaches for his phone, dialing Lucie's number and waits for her to pick up. She does on the fourth ring, and he hadn't count. "Hey Chris, what's up?" she chimes into the speaker. "Hum, not that good, just cut myself pretty badly and I think it deserves stitches..." he replies, glancing at the blood soaked towel pressed against his bicep. "Oh, how bad is it? Is it deep?". Yep, pretty much. "How much is it bleeding?". A lot? "Ok, I'll grab a suture kit and I'll be at yours in 10. Don't you dare move from where you are, I don't want to deal with a fainting hulk, Ok?". Hulk? What a strange coincidence... "Hay Hay Captain" he replies, playing along. He cuts the call and drags his body at his kitchen counter, siting on a bar stool. He really needs to tell her, doesn't he? But one week of knowing isn't enough for him, he doesn't want her to reject him, not when he feels so good and alive again... But he'll have to do it, one day or another, because if she learns this from someone else, he's not sure she's going to let him walk away from his lies. And it'll haunt him forever. An urging knock at his door pulls him out of his thoughts. "Chris? Answer please!" she half screams through the wood. "Come in, it's open". He hears the door handle being pulled and pushed, followed by the clacking of her heels against the hardwood floor. His head is spinning a little and when she makes her way into the kitchen, her eyes widening in disbelief, he can't help but laugh, like hysterical, ugly laughs escaping from his throat. "Oh my god! Chris! You're bleeding out! Stop fucking laughing!". But he can't, he feels like being out of his body but at the same time being very much aware of the pain coursing through his arm. She slaps him lightly on the thigh at first, without results, so she hits a little more forcefully, pulling a satisfying groan from him. Such a tyrant... "Chris, hey!" she calls out as she snaps her fingers before his eyes, just to verified that he is still with her. "Can you move your arm?". Nod. "Good, no ligament severed, muscle tissue is looking good and nerves too". She examines closely his arm, unwrapping the bloody towel and taking in the long and deep gash. Shit, that's so ugly! She pulls out a first aid kit from her backpack, he definitely hadn't noticed it, and puts on surgical gloves. Taking a compress and the antiseptic solution she has, she meticulously and very seriously cleans the wound, being careful as he winces in pain and clearing the blood off. He is so mesmerized by her handy work that he quickly forgets the sting of the disinfectant on his cut. "Ok, so that's a local anesthetic, it will sore your skin while I stitch it up, we just have to wait a few minutes for it to works its magic." she explains as she wipes the anesthetic on his skin gently. She's a natural at it, doing her job and explaining what she is going to do and comforting her patient. She'll made a great surgeon, he has no doubt about it. Taking a suturing needle, she pushes the surgical thread through it and secures it, preparing herself for stitching his arm up. "Here we go, it can sting sometimes but if you're in to much pain, don't hesitate to tell me, okay?". He nods and she slowly pokes his skin with the needle, testing the anesthesia. He does feel a little something but it is manageable. He watches closely as she works her way through the gash with her needle, applying impeccables stitches, perfectly aligned and spaced. Yep, definitely a natural at it. She meticulously finishes her job, cutting and tying the thread, cleaning the wound of the leftover blood and finally putting a gauze on it, securing it with medical tape. She hesitated to do something, he can tell by the wrinkling on her forehead. And when she bends a little and pecks the gauze, he's surprised and a little bit disappointed that skin to skin contact is denied to him another time. "There you go Soldier, all stitched up." she beams at him, throwing him a look from under her eyelashes. That is the second time she uses a Marvel reference on him today, does she know? He doesn't think she does, otherwise she'll have already told him about it, right? "Thank you so much, I think you just saved my life" he tells her genuinely, because he's sure if she hadn't come, he will had already bled out, or made a fool of himself in front of the cameras. "You know Chris, you can't be afraid of crowded spaces all your life, what if I hadn't been here today?". He knows she is right but he can't afford that, and she doesn't know the whole story. Maybe it's a good day to tell her. Maybe not... "You're my savior, how can I repay for that?". Seems like he always needs to repay her for something... Without her, I'll be lost. "How about we go to the little shop down your street for ice cream and we binge watch that TV show I told you about?"she answers. Sounds good to him, but only if they pick cookie dough ice cream!

After having a mini panic attack over Chris' phone call and stitching him up like a pro, she relaxes at last. Cleaning up the mess they made, she collects her tools and gets rid of the blood that stains it. Chris drags her outside after she made him swallow a pain medication, directing them to the shop. It's a sunny day in Boston and she enjoys the calm of his neighborhood, only disturbed by the chirping of the birds. She watches his broad body bathed in the warmth of the sun, contrasting against his white shirt. He turns in her direction and she can't do anything other than admire the blue depths of his eyes. Oh god, he is so damn handsome. He smiles, discovering the pearly whiteness of his teeth and she has this urge to kiss him, right fucking now and there. But she doesn't do it. She only lets her hand brushes against his in a soft caress, before claiming him by threading their fingers together, relishing in the warmth of his callous palm. He is hers. That's it. They wander a little through the shop before selecting three tubs of cookie dough ice cream that seems to be their favorite. Is it strange that she feels this connected to Chris? Like a gentleman, he pays for it and leads her home, his hand still holding hers, that's perfect. The two of them takes place on the incredibly comfortable couch after retrieving spoons and Dodger joins them too. She can totally imagines being use to it... Grabbing the remote, she turns on the TV and sets Netflix, browsing to all the movies and tv shows, she has her heart set on a show starring Anthony Mackie in a dystopian world. That'll do it. She hears Chris nearly choke on his own saliva fifteen minutes through the episode when the main character made his first appearance. "Hey, you good?" she asks as he's coughing his lungs out. "Yeah, yeah, just the ice cream went down the wrong way". Is he lying to her? She's not sure but he seems very nervous about this whole thing, and he hadn't stop touching his face when he had answered her... Or maybe she is just paranoid because she knows that men always have defaults, yeah, she learned that the hard way, and chris doesn't seems to have any... Yeah, nerves that's all. She watches attentively the show, cuddling Chris a little more as the hours passed. She doesn't recall falling asleep but when she wakes up, she is thrown over a hard but warm chest, cocooned in big strong arms and watched by two intense blue pearls. Nice, she just slept on a guy that maybe had wanted something with her... Had wanted because it isn't possible that he still wants to after she drools all over him and maybe snores too!No fucking way he still wants her. "Hey cutie, how about we order something to eat?". Ok, so maybe he still wants her... She yawns, rubbing the sleep of her eyes. "Yeah, it'll be great" she slurs, sleepiness heavy in her voice. He chuckles lightly and reaches for his phone on the arm chair, dialing a chinese place and ordering orange duck and sides of rice and noodles. After that, he envelops his arms around her frail body again, and she is literally bathing in his warmth, wow, she really likes it. The delivery guy arrives and they eat, still cuddled around one another and she is the happiest she has been in the last months, maybe even years. With Chris, everything is simple, unproblematic and he is so caring and affectionate... Yeah, maybe not all men were trash. Maybe he isn't there just for her good looks but for her big brains and her personality too. And that's why, when they part ways later that night, she allows him to kiss her, a simple peck on the lips, nothing going further. She enjoys this moment, enjoys the softness of his lips against hers and reminds to herself that he respects her, that he doesn't mean her any harm. He is in this for her and not for anything else and she let herself believe that he'll never hurt her. Oh, little does she know...

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