Into the Hornet's Nest

15

          Minho is resting against the couch in the attic, Han sitting beside him while happily watching the random compilation of funny videos they decided to watch. Not much has changed if anything at all in the past week, Han still coming over whenever he can and the two of them returning immediately into their normal interactions. They've been in the comfort of the attic for maybe an hour now, the two of them having gone to the same restaurant where their caricatures are drawn on the wall before returning to chill here. They had gone there because Minho had asked, Han agreeing easily but Minho not sure if Han knew the reason he had wanted to go. Honestly, it was partly just to look at the drawing that no one had erased (thankfully), but also because they had gone there the first day they had met. That day was exactly a month ago. Minho is surprisingly sentimental about it, shocking even himself when he began to tear up at the chalkboard. Han had asked him about it, Minho had brushed it off as allergies.
Sitting here now, though, with the sun setting and filling the attic with a honey tinted glow, Minho feels the tears brim again. Something about the soft breeze entering through the windows and the way Han looks so happy beside him has him with his heart in his throat. He attempts to clear it, Han looking at him expectantly.
          "You know," Minho says as if it's no big deal. Han pauses the video. Minho gives him an appreciative smile. "We met a month ago today." He says, loving the way Han looks at him with a smile and a look that screams are you stupid?
          "Of course I know that, hyung. That's why I wanted to come over today." Han says, punching his shoulder lightly as pay back for assuming he wouldn't remember. Minho grins dumbly at him, shying his face away as a blush appears. He fiddles aimlessly with the blanket over their laps, adjusting his weight in the cross-legged position and turning slightly toward facing Han. Han smiles at him too, doing the same. "Penny for your thoughts?" Han asks teasingly, the sight of Minho smiling to himself and shyly glancing up at him making him want to make the smile stay. Minho continues smiling, his expression changing from a grin to a much smaller, much more timid smile but a smile nonetheless. Han waits, Minho glancing up at him while he seemingly finds the courage to say what's on his mind. 

          "I'm just thinking about statistics..." Minho says with a light chuckle, knowing Han will question him and wanting to take the extra time for his mind to wrap around what's about to happen. Han does question him, teasing him about acting older than he is if he's smiling about stocks or statistics. Minho laughs again. Han asks him about what specific statistic has him sheepish. "Well," Minho starts, looking into Han's eyes which are upturned by his smile. "Statistically, it only takes a month to fall in love." Minho lets his voice fade as he speaks, suddenly regretting the words as they leave his mouth. Han's face tells him that he understands the implication behind the statement, his smile faltering a bit and his eyebrows knitting together rather than Han immediately teasing him because of course he knows that. Minho stops smiling entirely, his face red and his eyes looking back to the blanket. He supposes he could have waited, having only found himself so truly hopeless around the boy recently. He had known he was interested since day one, the pretty boy too much of everything he looks for to not be. He had finally embraced his racing heart in the past week, learning to love it and how it made him feel rather than letting it scare him. Doubts about it all return to him in this silence, remembering that once the house is finished he will leave again. He wants to ask Han to go with him, beg if he has to. He knew during the weeks he had missed Han so terribly that there could be no other explanation; he had been falling in love with the boy who is staring blankly at him now. "I'm sorry, forget it." Minho says, Han blinking and grabbing his wrist as he reaches to unpause the video. Minho looks up at him with an almost angry expression, looking so conflicted that Han tightens his grip on his wrist. Minho sighs, sitting up straight again and waiting for whatever rejection he's about to be faced with. 

          "Aren't you moving on when the house is finished?" Han asks, as if his response will depend on his answer. As much as he wants to lie, knowing that if he says he will stay then Han may accept him, he can't. Not to Han. Not about this. He nods, looking away in shame. Han nods too, tightening his lips into a straight line. "Then I think..." Han says, a shaky breath escaping him as he says the words Minho knew he would hear. "I think we should just stay how we are, hyung." Han says gently, the words still stinging as they cut into him. He loves how they are now, they both do, but he can't deny how badly he wants to keep Han forever. It seems extreme to him, the feeling of wanting someone so badly and knowing you may move on and lose touch. Logically, he agrees with Han, wanting to confess just to get it off of his chest and make his feelings known before he leaves. Part of him knows it isn't fair to do, to make Han take the confession he may not have been ready for and be forced to make a choice. Minho nods, understanding his choice despite wanting to get on his knees and beg the boy to come with him. He knows Han couldn't, though, not unless Honey came with them. Honestly, he wouldn't mind that, but Han may. So, he looks into Han's eyes again, giving him a clearly forced smile with teary eyes. When Han goes to speak again, he successfully unpauses the video, Han getting the hint to not talk about it anymore. So they don't, Minho leaning sadly against the only person who can comfort him right now - the same one who is hurting him. Han leaves after a few more hours of silent comfort, heading home only after Minho's smiles were no longer forced and the air didn't feel as suffocating. Minho may or may not have cried once he returned home from dropping Han and his bike off, not willing to let him ride home in the dark. Maybe he screamed into his pillow, screaming about the conflict he feels and how stupid it was to confess. Maybe he considers punching a hole in the newly painted drywall, opting not to more for his wallet's sake than his own. Maybe he considers distancing himself before Han does, the very thought of being able to see Han and choosing not to making his heart ache so badly he becomes afraid it may genuinely tear in half. He wants to have all of the time with Han he can, knowing that once he leaves he may not see Han much if at all. He doesn't want to become a face on Han's wall that he has to look at as a substitute for him being there. He doesn't want to hurt him like that. Maybe he thinks it's better this way.

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You guys can yell at me for this, it's okay ;(