Into the Hornet's Nest

23

          On day 232, Minho was coming home after spending a week with the boys. On day 232, Minho had taken a deep breath and finally checked his mailbox. His heart had sunk, seeing not one but three letters with no return address. Every thought he had walking to the mailbox was instantly replaced. The thought of Hyunjin driving him home and how badly Minho had wanted to see what the boy's felt like sober. The remaining happiness from the week, the small return of butterflies in his stomach and his faint smile while he had walked up had all been replaced with fear. The fear of realizing how guilty he suddenly felt, the fear of realizing that he hadn't even thought to look for letters in a while, assuming no more were coming. He held in tears as he entered the house, sitting on the couch while opening all three to read them in order of the dates on the paper. The tears began to fall as the first letter told Minho about Han's parents being weird still and how badly Han wants to come back. It told him that Han was feeling depressed, that Honey wasn't seeming to get better. That Honey had told Han to find Minho and never let him go, that love like his doesn't just go away. Minho had sobbed into his sleeve as he read about Han doubting he would ever get the letters, that he felt as if it was a lost cause to send them but that he may just in case. He felt his heart tearing as he slid another polaroid from the envelope, a photo of Han clearly trying to smile and failing, the letter signing off with please don't forget about me rather than I love you.

          Minho had anxiously picked up the second, openly sobbing into the empty house at the opening line. Hyung, since the last letter, Honey has passed away. He shook violently as he read about how Han had stayed with her, how she regretted never getting more time to talk to Minho and that she had extended her blessing of their love. He read about how his parents had overheard, belittling Han in front of his dying grandmother about liking men and practically disowning him. About how Honey had mumbled the words 'accept him' just before she slipped away from them, and how Han has never felt more alone than now. Minho wracked his brain to find a single reason why he shouldn't hate himself, unable to find any when he realizes he had done the one thing Han had asked. He hadn't read the letters, he had forgotten in some ways and had separated himself. He was fucking interested in someone else, for god's sake. Minho struggled to breathe as he continued, Han telling him that depending on how things go the next letter may be the last. Han told him that if he wanted to forget, it was okay. That loving him while all of this is going on is arguably foolish, and that he shouldn't subject himself to that. He clutched the letter to his chest after seeing only Han's signature on the bottom of the paper. He collected himself enough to lift the third letter with a shaking hand.